


Sefikura Week 2021

by Imaginative_Spirit



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M, Or maybe these are too long to count as drabbles? idk lol, Sefikura Week 2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28983213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginative_Spirit/pseuds/Imaginative_Spirit
Summary: No matter when, no matter where, Sephiroth's and Cloud's paths will always cross.(Seven stories for Sefikura Week 2021, warnings for each individual chapter inside)
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Comments: 102
Kudos: 175
Collections: Sefikura (Sephiroth/Cloud) Week - Yearly Event





	1. Meeting in Another World

**Author's Note:**

> It's that time of the year again! I ended up writing a lot more than I had initially planned for this week, but I'm sure no one's gonna complain about that, right? ;)
> 
> Since this year's overarching theme was "remix", a.k.a. reusing past prompts, I decided that I was going to work with that! Everything that I've prepared for this week is either an old WIP, an idea I've had for a while but never used, or inspired by something I've previously written.
> 
> Naturally I've prepared some art as well, which can, as usual, be found on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ethereal_savior/status/1353825866917306369) and on my [Tumblr](https://imaginative-spirit.tumblr.com/tagged/sefikuraweek/)!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> College student Cloud Strife has strange dreams about someone who seems all too familiar.
> 
> Warnings: None that I can think of!

Cloud wakes up from the same dream he has every night. Rolls out of bed, goes through his morning routine. Shower, coffee, run to catch the bus, almost miss it because he just never learns. Grab a bagel from the coffee shop on campus, head straight for class, spend the day zoning out until finally getting to go home. Do homework for hours, then bed. Every day is just more of the same, nothing to interrupt this dull grey boredom.

Sometimes he wishes he could just quit. He doesn’t want this degree, he doesn’t want this life, he doesn’t want any of it. But he owes it to his mom. Owes it to her to be successful in life, get a well-paying job so that he can pay her back for everything she’s done for him. But still, he can’t help but wishing he could live a little bit for himself, too.

It feels like something is missing, but he can’t even begin to figure out what that something is. Like he’s lost a piece of a puzzle but doesn’t even know what the final image is supposed to look like. He’s tried to explain it to his therapist before, but how is he supposed to explain something he doesn’t understand, himself?

In his dreams, he chases someone, or someone chases him. It’s been going on for years at this point. Night after night, he plays this game of cat and mouse with someone he can’t see. Only occasionally does he find dark feathers in his path, and sometimes, he catches a glimpse of long silver hair or a black coat on the edge of his vision. He knows this person, on some level; their name is on the tip of his tongue every time he jolts awake. But he can’t remember, and every time, something within him aches.

Cloud is not the spiritual type, never has been. He believes in what he sees in front of him. He believes in people shaping their own fate. Yet he wonders, about this person in his dreams, sometimes. Thinks of dark feathers and wonders if guardian angels exist. The way he aches for this person every time he wakes up feels like something more than tangible reality.

Tonight, he’s the one being chased. Usually, he’s running even though he doesn’t know what he’s running from, through strange caverns and burning villages and dark alleyways of an even darker city. The landscape varies, but the feeling is the same. He can feel someone breathing down his neck, and usually, he is too caught up in trying to get away to even consider turning to check who’s chasing him.

But tonight, Cloud looks over his shoulder. And there, he sees a man. Silver-haired, clad in a black coat, one wing sprouting from his back… Cloud sees his face, a face he would recognise anywhere, beautiful in an unearthly way, bright green cat’s eyes staring at Cloud with an intensity unlike anything Cloud’s seen before, lips mouthing Cloud’s name…

“Sephiroth”, Cloud gasps, and then he wakes up.

He sits in bed for a good while after that. Sephiroth. He remembers the name now, but nothing else. Still, oddly enough, even just the name invokes so many feelings in him. He feels on edge – a part of him is terrified – yet he feels a desperate longing for this strange, beautiful man that has been haunting him in his dreams for such a long time.

The next night, those eyes follow him everywhere he goes. Always watching, sometimes hateful, sometimes cold and dismissive, sometimes filled with warmth that makes Cloud’s stomach twist and churn. Those eyes don’t belong to a human. When he wakes up, he can’t help but wonder if maybe there isn’t some truth to guardian angels – or perhaps demons – after all.

He commits to writing down every detail he can remember about the dreams. It adds some sort of excitement to his dull existence. Makes his heart ache a little bit less, because at least he can make it through every day now with something to look forward to, even if that something is just something as simple as going to bed.

As time passes, the dreams become more vivid. Cloud lives through entire lifetimes, every night a different world with different people in it. And always, like a shadow, Sephiroth lingers right outside the perceptible. Sometimes, Cloud catches clearer glimpses of him, but he has still not heard his voice, even though he can read Sephiroth’s lips, repeating Cloud’s name over and over.

So are all these flashes past lives or something? Cloud has never believed in reincarnation. But it all feels so terribly familiar in a way that something he’s never lived through shouldn’t.

Then, one night, he dreams of being locked in combat. Swords clashing against each other as he looks his enemy in the eye and oh, there Sephiroth is. Staring at Cloud with something very much like hunger as steel presses against steel.

“Cloud.”

His voice. His voice is deep, terrifying, soothing, immediately feels like danger and like home all at once, but Cloud wakes up before he can respond.

Oh great, he’s overslept.

He’s missed his bus, and so, Cloud has to take some shortcuts to make it to class without being even more late than he already is. He grabs his headphones, puts on some heavy metal to get himself pumped, and starts to run.

People are already out and about during this hour, so the streets are packed. Cloud has to move through the crowd with the sort of precision that is usually only required from an athlete in order to not accidentally collide with someone. He’s starving, has a headache, and he didn’t even get to have any coffee this morning. Worst day ever, and it’s not even noon yet!

In the corner of his eye, he catches a glimpse of silver. He freezes in his tracks, heart racing, and glances over his shoulder. There, disappearing into the sea of people, he sees a tall person with long silver hair. His heart skips a beat.

For a moment, he hesitates. Should he give chase? Maybe he’s just imagining it. It’s probably someone else. But… what if it isn’t? By the time he decides he wants to follow, the person has already vanished into the crowd.

It lights a fire within Cloud. From that day onward, he starts taking that path to campus every day, hoping to find silver hair in the crowd once again, with no results. His dreams seem to become more vivid as well; it becomes easier to decipher what is actually happening in them. He can see Sephiroth clearer now, always at his side, a quiet presence that never quite goes away. Always silent, until he isn’t.

The change comes with yet another dream. It’s raining. Cloud is standing in the middle of a barren landscape, sword clutched in his hand, and Sephiroth… Sephiroth is on his back on the ground before him, covered in mud and rain and blood yet beautiful all the same.

“Cloud.” His voice sends shivers down Cloud’s spine.

“Sephiroth”, Cloud replies and falls to his knees at Sephiroth’s side. He’s hurt. Somehow, Cloud knows that he’s the one who’s hurt him. With a trembling hand, he reaches out to touch Sephiroth’s cheek. Sephiroth gazes at him with a softness that doesn’t feel right, given their current situation.

“I have searched for you”, Sephiroth murmurs. Even though his voice is quiet, it contains a sort of strength that Cloud struggles to comprehend. “World after world, life after life. Every time, you are my undoing. But I will find you again. I always do.”

And then, Cloud wakes up and remembers. In another life, Cloud had loved him, until Sephiroth had burned everything he ever held dear. Sephiroth had sworn to never be just a memory, and he has held true to that promise. In every life, he hunts Cloud down, and they fight, even if Cloud can’t quite remember why they’re supposed to be fighting in the first place. They’ve lived through so many different lifetimes, so many different universes; Cloud can’t even begin to remember them all.

But this life is not the same. In this world, there’s no magic, no monsters, no alien parasites, at least as far as Cloud knows. This incarnation of him has really just been cursed with the most boring existence possible. Perhaps past incarnations of Cloud thought that they wanted something like this, but honestly, right now, Cloud thinks he’d gladly fight the manifestation of his inner darkness if it means he won’t have to get a degree.

Cloud takes a moment to think about it. Does he want to find Sephiroth? Sephiroth has ruined his life so many times, continued to follow him into every single universe with, quite frankly, concerning determination. Finding Sephiroth would be bringing ruin upon himself.

Maybe that’s what he wants, though. Maybe he would take anything, if only to be free from this dullness. He continues to search for Sephiroth every morning and ends up late to class more times than he can count as a result, and yet he finds no trace of him. At this point, he’s starting to wonder if maybe he’s just made all of this up in his own head. Maybe these visions of past lives are just his way to cope.

Or maybe… Sephiroth is messing with him. Maybe Sephiroth is hiding from him on purpose, to make Cloud so distracted that he flunks all his classes and completely screws up his own life without any need for interference from Sephiroth. Fuck that. He decides to stop looking. Decides to go back to focusing on his life, instead of these strange fantasies.

He still thinks about Sephiroth, though, even as he throws himself back into schoolwork. Wonders if Sephiroth is really out there and what he’s doing. The dreams continue, but Sephiroth once again becomes a background presence in them. No progress in that department.

One night, Cloud decides he’s had enough. He finds himself in some sort of strange dark place, but instead of starting the usual chase, he decides to stay right where he is.

“Sephiroth”, he calls into the dark, feeling that familiar presence out there somewhere. “I’m tired of this! Come find me in real life if you’re so determined to mess with me!”

“Oh?” Sephiroth’s voice echoes in his ears, even though there’s no sign of the man himself. “And what would you do if we were to find each other? Kill me again? Perhaps I’ve grown tired of it.”

“Never said I was gonna kill you”, Cloud says. “Maybe I’m tired too!”

What does he want to do if he finds Sephiroth? It’s a good question. Cloud hasn’t really thought too deeply about it – he just knows that he wants to find him, that there’s something deep within him that longs to do so.

“Do you wish for this dance of ours to end, Cloud?” Why does Sephiroth sound so… sad?

“I just don’t want to fight”, Cloud whispers. “I’m so tired of us chasing each other.”

“Then what do you want?” Sephiroth asks. His presence lingers around Cloud, unmistakable yet intangible.

Cloud wakes up before he can come up with an answer, feeling distinctly like he’s lost something. He goes through the motions for the rest of the day. Wonders why he feels this ache in his chest over someone he’s never actually met. He doesn’t dream about Sephiroth the next night, nor the night after that…

Eventually, he decides that he can’t spend his life obsessing over something that might not even be real in the first place. He goes back to focusing on school. This entire experience has lit a fire in him, and when he’s not able to aim that fire at Sephiroth, he can use it to get through the hurdles of daily life instead. It works surprisingly well; sure, he still feels like he’s drifting aimlessly through life, but he’s motivated now where he wasn’t before, even if he’s only motivated because of something abstract that feels a bit like spite.

One day, rather than heading home immediately after class, Cloud decides to stop at a coffeeshop close to campus to get some caffeine into him and clear his head. It’s pretty packed at this hour, but Cloud manages to find a nice seat by the window anyway. Since he doesn’t have anything better to do, he brings out his laptop, puts his headphones on and starts working on some assignments.

For some reason, being around people makes him feel more at ease recently, even though he usually prefers to be alone. Maybe he just needs the reminder that the rest of the world still keeps turning, even when Cloud himself is struggling to move forward. He actually makes some good progress, for once.

“Is this seat taken?” someone asks.

“No, go ahead”, Cloud replies, not really paying attention over the music. He doesn’t really care for some stranger joining him at his table, but he’s clearly engrossed in his work so hopefully he still won’t be disturbed. He keeps typing. Doesn’t look up as the person sits down opposite to him. Please don’t be a talker. Please don’t be a talker.

“I’m sorry, but…” Oh, great. A talker. “…have we met somewhere before? You look so familiar.”

Great. Is this some sort of attempt at flirting now? Annoyed, Cloud looks up, ready to tell the stranger to fuck off, and immediately forgets how to breathe.

“I’m sorry”, Sephiroth says, giving Cloud a hesitant look. “It must sound incredibly strange to you, but… I recognised you, when I saw you sitting here.”

Cloud tears his headphones off. Sephiroth’s beautiful silver mane is pulled back into a loose ponytail, and his eyes – still just as green but lacking those familiar slit pupils – are framed by a pair of glasses. He’s wearing a sweater with a picture of a cat on it. Cloud’s brain grinds to a halt.

“Yeah. I, uh…” He fumbles over his own words. Sephiroth doesn’t seem to remember anything, but it’s still _Sephiroth_ and Cloud has been looking for him for so long and now he’s right _here_ … “I’m Cloud”, he offers.

“Cloud…” His name sounds so right on Sephiroth’s tongue. And the way Sephiroth smiles as he says it… “I’m Sephiroth. It’s nice to meet you.”

Over the next hour, they just sit there and talk. Cloud is honestly impressed at his own ability to keep up small talk with Sephiroth, when this sort of chatter is usually enough to make him swear off social interaction for the rest of the week.

Cloud learns that Sephiroth is a couple years older than him, recently moved into town and apparently works at the local library. He’s… nice. A bit awkward perhaps, but nice, in this quiet sort of way that immediately puts Cloud at ease. Nothing like the nightmare Cloud is used to. But then again, he supposes there must’ve been a person underneath all of that, once, just like there is now. And in horror, Cloud realises how drawn he immediately feels to that person.

Before Cloud knows it, it’s closing time. He exits the coffeeshop with Sephiroth, heart racing. Is this it? Is he never gonna see Sephiroth again now? Will they remain strangers whose paths happened to cross once? What is he supposed to say to make Sephiroth stay? Goddammit, he wants him in his life, to maybe be happy this time around, he wants –

Sephiroth shoves a napkin into his hand. Confused, Cloud looks at it and finds a phone number hastily scrawled onto it.

“I’d like to keep in touch with you”, Sephiroth says. “If it’s not… too forward, of course.” He looks slightly embarrassed at the idea, gaze darting between Cloud and the pavement.

“It’s not. I missed you”, Cloud says, and quickly regrets it, because firstly, now he’s gonna come across as a weirdo and secondly, the fact that he admitted to missing Sephiroth, of all people, is a wound on his pride. But Sephiroth just laughs – holy shit, Cloud has never heard him laugh like that, sounding so genuinely delighted, not in any of their lives…

“How strange”, Sephiroth replies, smile not leaving his face for a moment. “I think I missed you as well.”


	2. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after, and Sephiroth is starting to have his doubts.
> 
> Warnings: None, it's all fluff today <3

Sephiroth feels so warm. He nestles closer to the source of the warmth, curling around it and soaking in it. He can’t remember if he’s ever felt this comfortable before. Usually, he’s not the type to stay in bed for a long time in the morning, but right now, he feels like he could doze here forever.

The warmth moves, and a hand comes to rest on Sephiroth’s back. Immediately, all sense of comfort disappears. Sephiroth’s entire body grows rigid, but he manages to crack his eyes open.

“Um… Morning”, Cloud Strife, Sephiroth’s best friend as of a few months ago and SOLDIER 3rd Class as of yesterday, says. “You okay, Seph?” The hand lingers on his back. Moves in gentle strokes. What is this? Sephiroth’s mind struggles to catch up; his heart is racing so fast, too fast. What happened last night and why are they in bed together?

He walks through it in his head. Cloud had been promoted to 3rd Class. Zack had invited everyone out for a party, and Sephiroth had decided to show up because… well, Cloud asked him to. He’d spent the entire evening talking to nobody but Cloud. Wishing it was just the two of them. Wondering if his feelings for Cloud were worth a damn thing.

Oh, right. Cloud had cornered him after they headed back to the Shinra building for the night. Pinned Sephiroth against a wall outside his apartment and demanded honesty, possibly slightly fuelled by the amount of alcohol he had consumed. And Sephiroth… had responded with what, exactly? His mind feels like a blur. Did he…?

“Seph?” Cloud cups his cheek. Gives Sephiroth a concerned look. “Look at me.”

Sephiroth looks at him. Cloud is positively radiant, offering Sephiroth the sweetest smile he has ever seen. Sephiroth absent-mindedly notes that neither of them are wearing any clothes. Oh. _Oh._

“I don’t wanna pretend anymore”, Cloud had told him last night. “I wanna be more than friends, and I think you feel the same way. Right?” If Sephiroth recalls correctly, he’d been unable to do anything but nod and offer Cloud a fervently whispered “Yes”.

Cloud feels the same way. Cloud wants him too. Sephiroth remembers now, how Cloud had pulled him into a searing kiss and practically dragged him into the apartment. Sephiroth had barely been able to believe that any of it was real, as clothes had started coming off and Cloud had joined him in bed and made him feel _so good…_

“Is something wrong?” Cloud’s smile is starting to die down. “Oh gods, you’re not… mad at me, are you?”

“Why would I be mad?” Sephiroth asks, and immediately starts worrying. He wants to kiss Cloud so badly, but isn’t sure if that’s appropriate. Doesn’t quite understand what social conventions they have been following here. Was this a one-time thing? Does being more than friends simply refer to friends with benefits rather than a proper relationship? His heart sinks at the thought. He wants this, more of this, so desperately and yet…

“I kinda came on too strong last night, didn’t I?” Cloud looks disheartened now. “I’m sorry. I was a bit drunk. I thought the 3rd Class tolerance for alcohol would be higher, and I shouldn’t have done any of it.”

Does that mean Cloud doesn’t feel the same way after all, that this was all some sort of alcohol-fuelled insanity? Sephiroth sighs. What else should he expect? Maybe it would be better this way, though. Cloud doesn’t need or deserve any of Sephiroth’s baggage. He’s got such a bright future ahead of him while Sephiroth gets lost in his own head and longs for things he can’t have. Like personal freedom. And Cloud.

“I… enjoyed it”, he simply says, hoping that will appease Cloud. After all, he did. Gods, he did. No one has ever made him feel that good before, put so much genuine effort and enthusiasm into coaxing sounds of pleasure from him. He doesn’t know how many times Cloud’s name left his lips last night. The only thing he knows is that if he can’t ever have it again, he’s going to be chasing that feeling forever.

“You did?” Cloud’s expression lights up a little bit. “It was kinda hard to tell. You were… pretty quiet for most of it.” He laughs nervously.

“I’m always quiet”, Sephiroth says. Honestly, on the contrary, he thinks he was being unusually noisy last night. There’s no other person who can make him feel like this. No one else who could get him to let his guard down enough to allow them into his bed, let alone sleep next to him for an entire night.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it”, Cloud murmurs. “I was worried you didn’t. You usually always act so uninterested in your admirers.” He still looks really flustered. It’s adorable. Sephiroth feels warm all over. Not an uncommon feeling when he’s around Cloud, but it’s even stronger than usual right now.

“You’re different”, he points out. He’s desperate to kiss Cloud again but is still worried that he’s misread all of this. “I don’t… make a habit of taking fans to bed.”

“But… it’s happened before?” Cloud gives him a mischievous look.

“If you must know… No. It has not.”

“Never?” Cloud looks surprised, but then begins to grin again. “Wow, I’m really that special, huh?”

“You are”, Sephiroth agrees, and then regrets it. He’s not certain if this is right. Is he taking things too far? He wants to ask Cloud what they’re supposed to do from here, but worries that it’s supposed to be obvious.

“You look so sad”, Cloud says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine”, Sephiroth responds automatically. Then realises that he shouldn’t be lying to Cloud about this, so he quickly adds to it. “I suppose I’m simply… confused.”

“About what?” Cloud’s hand comes to rest on Sephiroth’s neck. Scratches a little bit behind Sephiroth’s ear. It feels nice. Sephiroth tilts his head to allow Cloud better access. “You’re so cute”, Cloud says quietly, and Sephiroth’s heart skips a beat.

“I don’t know if…” Sephiroth doesn’t know how to best explain himself. “Can I kiss you?” he asks instead.

“Of course”, Cloud says. “Did you think you weren’t allowed to?”

“I’m not… used to these things”, Sephiroth replies. “I’ve never…”

“Been in a relationship? That’s okay. I haven’t either.” Cloud offers Sephiroth a smile. “We can figure it out together.”

A relationship. That’s what this is. Cloud’s confirmation makes Sephiroth relax. He’s in a relationship with Cloud now. That means this is serious. Not a one-time thing.

“We’re dating”, he says, just to try it out. It feels… like a new beginning. A next chapter with a twist he never saw coming.

“We’re dating”, Cloud agrees and looks so happy that Sephiroth never wants to let him go. “I’ve had a crush on you for so long! I thought you didn’t like me back, but Zack kept insisting that I should tell you…”

“You talked to Zack about it?” Sephiroth remembers, suddenly, how Zack has always been very nosy regarding his unlikely friendship with Cloud, especially lately. “Well, I have had… feelings for you for a while as well”, he admits, feeling oddly embarrassed to say so and immediately chiding himself for that feeling. “I… did not plan to act on them.”

“I wasn’t gonna do it either”, Cloud said. “I thought I’d never have the guts to do it. But I didn’t think I’d be able to get into SOLDIER either, so I figured that maybe I’ll get lucky twice.” He grins. Sephiroth has never seen Cloud grin as widely as he has this morning, and to think he’s the reason that Cloud is so happy right now… it’s almost too much to bear.

Even though Sephiroth wants to be happy about this development more than anything, his mind is starting to ring the alarm bells now. He’s never been in a relationship before, and even when he puts his personal concerns aside, he has no idea how the Company will react to this. Gods. Hojo. He can’t let Hojo find out about this. Cloud is a SOLDIER now, so Hojo has access to him, could hurt him if he wanted to, and he _will_ want to, if he finds out about this –

“Seph”, Cloud says, voice so soft and sweet that Sephiroth doesn’t know what to do with himself. “Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you. I’ll treat you well, I promise.”

“Why are _you_ worried about hurting _me_?” Sephiroth asks incredulously. He has nothing to fear from Cloud. It should be the other way around.

“You always look so sad when you talk about Genesis and Angeal”, Cloud murmurs. “I don’t ever wanna make you feel like that.”

Sephiroth… doesn’t know what to say to that. Doesn’t know what to think. People don’t usually concern themselves with his feelings. It makes him feel at ease yet nervous all at once. Cloud cares about him. He’s going to have to remind himself of that a lot in the future.

“I don’t want to hurt you”, he admits, hesitant to express that thought.

“You’ve never hurt me before”, Cloud says. “And we’ve been friends for a while. I think I’d know if you had bad intentions by now.”

Again, Sephiroth isn’t sure what to say. He’s not even sure what he’s hoping to achieve, here. A part of him is itching to push Cloud away, to keep him safe, but at the same time, he selfishly longs for more.

“You think too much”, Cloud says. “Come here.” He shifts closer and presses his lips to Sephiroth’s. Sephiroth deepens the kiss almost instinctively, wrapping his arms around Cloud to cling to him. He doesn’t want to let Cloud go. Doesn’t want this to ever end. Perhaps he should be selfish, just this once.

After a while, Cloud pulls away, but Sephiroth chases after him. Captures his lips in yet another kiss, and feels Cloud’s lips curl into a smile. Cloud weaves his fingers into Sephiroth’s hair, and Sephiroth finds himself practically melting. A strange feeling makes itself known in his chest; it takes him far too long to identify it as happiness. He’s so unused to feeling anything like this. Wasn’t sure if he even could, anymore.

“Thank you”, he whispers against Cloud’s lips, because even if the future is something new and terrifying, he can’t remember when he last felt so alive. Cloud will be there with him, because Cloud feels the same way, has felt the same way all along…

“Thank you?” Cloud repeats and pulls back enough for Sephiroth to see the confused but amused expression on his face. “You don’t need to thank me for a kiss, Seph.”

“That’s not…” Sephiroth forces himself to look Cloud in the eye for this. “Thank you, Cloud. For making me… very happy.”

Cloud stares at him for a second. Blinks as he processes what Sephiroth just said. Then, he turns bright red, makes a high-pitched little noise and presses his face against Sephiroth’s chest. It’s… incredibly endearing.

“I didn’t expect you to be the sappy type…”

“What did you expect, then?” Sephiroth asks, honestly finding Cloud’s reaction very amusing. He decides he needs to be sappier, if it’ll let him see Cloud act like this more often.

“I don’t know… I thought you’d act like you always do”, Cloud admits, sounding a bit sheepish about it. “You know. Cool. Tough. Distant. It… always feels like it’s so hard to get through to you.”

Sephiroth feels a bit guilty. He knows that he’s not very good at letting people know how he feels. But at the same time, he feels like he’s got good reasons for this. It’s hard to open up to people when he’s been hurt so many times by people he trusted.

“I’m sorry”, he says. “I’ll… attempt to be honest with you.”

“I just want you to be comfortable”, Cloud replies. Scratches at that spot behind Sephiroth’s ear again, as if he just knows that’s what Sephiroth likes. “That’s what’s most important. We’re still the same people, even if we’re dating now.”

“Mm”, Sephiroth says. It’s hard to formulate words, let alone think, when his attention is fully on Cloud’s fingers. The hand that isn’t scratching behind Sephiroth’s ear is pressed against Sephiroth’s chest, right above his heartbeat.

“Zack’s gonna be really happy for us…” Cloud suddenly rolls away from, much to Sephiroth’s disappointment, and stretches his limbs, allowing Sephiroth a less disappointing look at his body. “I should probably get going though, I can’t laze around in bed all day – hey, what are you looking at?” Oh, the ogling was that noticeable?

“At the gorgeous individual next to me who shouldn’t go anywhere”, Sephiroth retorts, surprising even himself with how playful he sounds. Cloud lets out a laugh at that, bright and clear. On the spot, Sephiroth vows to do his best to make him laugh every single day.

“You wanna go back to sleep? Never took you for the lazy type either.”

I never said we had to go back to sleep”, Sephiroth replies, allowing his lips to curl into a grin to match Cloud’s. “There are plenty of things to do in bed that I wouldn’t consider lazy.”

“Smooth”, Cloud says, and immediately rolls back over to Sephiroth, draping his arms over Sephiroth’s shoulders. “Now that I’m in SOLDIER, why don’t you teach me some new exercises I can do to stay in shape, _sir_?”

“Don’t get cocky, Strife”, Sephiroth teases and flips Cloud over onto his back as he leans over him. “I think we both know who’s in charge here.”

Cloud pressing his lips against Sephiroth’s feels no less amazing now than it did the last few times. Sephiroth wonders if every single time is going to feel like this for him, like throwing out his worries of old and letting in something new. If it’s really going to feel like this, this easy, with Cloud, he finds himself entirely willing to go along with this life-changing, terrifying, exhilarating event.

They don’t drag themselves out of bed until the afternoon.


	3. Puppet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth worships his puppet.
> 
> Warning: Puppet Cloud and all the warnings you would expect from that. Also lots of angst because I'm terrible, no happiness to be found here today

His puppet is so pliant underneath him. Practically melting into the mattress as Sephiroth brushes his hands over his lithe frame, eyes so much like Sephiroth’s own gazing up at him, like a strange mirror image. There’s nothing but love and adoration in Cloud’s gaze, a blissful, unaware smile on his face.

“Pretty puppet”, Sephiroth murmurs and leans down just a little, strands of his hair falling over his shoulders and caging Cloud in. He brushes his lips over Cloud’s neck, inhaling his scent before biting down to leave a bruise, to mark what’s his. It’s a pity that none of the marks will linger on his puppet’s enhanced body, but at least they’ll be there for the moment so that Sephiroth can admire them.

“Sephiroth”, Cloud gasps, his body arching up into Sephiroth’s touch. Sephiroth likes him like this, so responsive and eager for more. Adores the delicious little noises he can draw from Cloud just by whispering in his ear.

“That’s good, puppet… You’re being so good for me. Let me reward you.”

At first, he’d been unable to get any reactions from Cloud at all. To maintain control over Cloud, he’d been forced to prevent anything of Cloud’s to slip past the barrier he built in Cloud’s head. For a while, Cloud had been completely catatonic. Nothing Sephiroth did to his puppet earned him any sort of reaction. Truthfully, it had been terribly boring and Sephiroth had considered just discarding him, to go find himself another plaything.

But persistence has proven to be the key. Slowly, Cloud has begun to react to Sephiroth’s touches. First it was only noises, but recently, he’s been able to form words as well. There’s nothing Sephiroth likes more than hearing his name on his puppet’s lips. He moves down Cloud’s unclothed body, uses his lips and fingertips to leave Cloud trembling.

“S-Seph… Ah!”

Sephiroth smirks. Nuzzles Cloud’s inner thigh. Then pulls back and admires his handiwork. Cloud is perfect like this, gazing up at Sephiroth as if nothing else exists in the world – which is true. Sephiroth is the only thing in his puppet’s world. There’s nothing else, no one else; Cloud can have whatever Sephiroth chooses to give him, and nothing more. It’s a good thing Sephiroth is a considerate master.

There’s nothing unusual about this scenario. Sephiroth is the one showering Cloud in sensation, touching his willing puppet’s body because it belongs to him and him alone, while Cloud lies back and lets it happen. Sephiroth doesn’t usually indulge in the opposite, however. Today, however, he decides that he wants something different.

“Puppet”, he murmurs. Cloud looks up at him, face still flushed, clearly awaiting instructions. “It’s your turn to touch your master now.” Sephiroth flops down onto his back next to Cloud and waits to see what his puppet will do.

It takes Cloud a moment to process the instructions. He seems almost confused by them. Sephiroth supposes they were rather vague, and he’s never asked Cloud for anything like it before. But that’s part of the fun. He wants to see what Cloud will do.

Being touched is something that Sephiroth is unused to, to the point that someone touching him usually begins to feel uncomfortable very quickly. At least, that was how he felt about it while he was still human. He had assumed that perhaps he would feel differently about it now that he is a god, but the moment Cloud moves in and touches his cheek, Sephiroth immediately feels his entire body grow tense. But Cloud’s expression is as gentle as his touch, and Sephiroth reminds himself that he can demand Cloud to stop at any time he wants, and Cloud will immediately do so. It’s no different from touching himself, in that regard.

Cloud doesn’t grow much bolder than that. Perhaps he senses how tense Sephiroth is. He simply settles for stroking Sephiroth’s hair, watching Sephiroth with an adoring look on his face. Sephiroth slowly starts to relax. It feels good. Still, it feels very passive, and he’s anything but. He’s not used to being in a position like this, treated like he’s something precious.

Nobody has ever loved Sephiroth. Not really. Sephiroth knows this, has been well aware of it since the day Professor Gast left. Back then, he didn’t have the words to explain why that stung so deeply, but looking back on it now, it was just his first bitter taste of what it feels like to love someone who doesn’t love you back.

At least Hojo never pretended to love him. Hojo’s distaste for him was always out there in the open, nothing deceptive about it. Sephiroth appreciates that, looking back. But Gast? Gast read him bedtime stories and taught him all about the outside world that Sephiroth hadn’t seen yet at that point. The labs had always felt a little less cold, with Gast there.

But then, one day, he was gone without a word. Sephiroth can look back on that as the moment he realised that nothing in the world is permanent, and that someone can abandon him on a whim at any time. Don’t get attached, he told himself at the tender age of five. Never get attached to anyone, ever again.

This is different, though, isn’t it? He isn’t attached to Cloud, per se. Cloud is a sweet little thing, willing to do his every bidding now that Sephiroth has stripped him of personhood. Cloud won’t leave him, because Sephiroth has made it so that he can’t. One of Cloud’s hands continue to stroke Sephiroth’s hair, but the other has ended up on Sephiroth’s chest now. It’s hard not to let his mind drift, with this strange sort of security he’s being lulled into, so Sephiroth allows his thoughts to continue to wander.

He swore off attachments as a child and it worked, for a decade or so. Until Genesis and Angeal came crashing into his life, bringing with them a sense of companionship that Sephiroth had lacked until then. His walls crumbled, and foolishly, Sephiroth allowed himself to get attached. It happened so slowly, came creeping up on him, before he even had the opportunity to notice, until the day he found himself looking at them and realised that he would do anything for them.

Looking back, Sephiroth thinks that he was a naïve idiot. He had expected that his own feelings for them were mutual, as if Genesis and Angeal would somehow automatically mirror him. Since he’d never known friendship before, getting a taste of it was like a forbidden fruit. He found himself craving their attention in an almost childish way. Willing to put up with Genesis’s games, to listen to Angeal’s lectures, anything, _anything_ just to get them to look at him.

Anything except telling them how he felt about them, of course, because he’d assumed that it was obvious to them. He’d loved them so deeply, with his entire heart, and then one day, they were gone as well. Sephiroth been left behind to rot once again, heart torn to shreds, not understanding what he did wrong this time.

Zack had tried, though. Oh gods, how Zack had tried. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Genesis, Angeal and Zack are long gone and only Sephiroth is left. Still, Sephiroth wonders if maybe, in another life, if he hadn’t given up so completely on attachments, he could’ve let Zack in. But then, wouldn’t he inevitably have ended up being hurt again? Surely Zack would’ve left him too. Everyone always does, unless he forces them to stay, like he has with Cloud.

Sephiroth wonders what it is that makes him, the person, so unappealing. Perhaps it’s just that he’s not human. Humans seem perfectly capable of forming connections with each other effortlessly, yet every time Sephiroth has tried, it has ended poorly. But Sephiroth doesn’t need any of that anymore. He holds the world in his hands; he won’t be swayed by something as insignificant as the attention of mortals.

Cloud startles Sephiroth out of his thoughts by pressing a wet kiss to Sephiroth’s neck. For a moment, Sephiroth feels weightless. Cloud’s fingers are already nearly too much to handle, but to feel Cloud peppering kisses all over his neck, showering him in unconditional affection, is unbearably wonderful. Sephiroth tilts his head to allow Cloud better access and lets his eyes fall shut, sighing in pleasure. Perhaps lying back and letting himself be taken care of isn’t so bad after all.

“Mm… Cloud”, he murmurs. He wants this. Wants to be taken care of. Craves this feeling of being genuinely loved and adored. He wants someone to look at him, despite everything, and see something desirable, something worth caring for.

But this is all false in the end, isn’t it? His puppet may be showering him in love, but only because Sephiroth wishes it to be so. If Sephiroth were to let him go, Cloud would be cursing Sephiroth’s name, horrified by the way he’s been acting towards Sephiroth. He would want to go back to the people he genuinely cares for.

It’s strange. Sephiroth treats Cloud well, in his own opinion. Offers him nothing but kindness. Cloud is completely safe here with Sephiroth. The only thing he doesn’t have is his free will, and isn’t that a small sacrifice to make, in the end? They’re both happy like this…

Happy. Is he really? Sephiroth wonders how he would feel right now, if Cloud wasn’t here. Yes, he would be all-powerful, but he would be… bored. Having no one else around gets… lonely. Sephiroth is used to being alone, but even if his companionship right now is nothing but an empty puppet, it alleviates the feeling, somehow.

But Cloud can’t disagree with him over small insignificant details. Can’t have petty arguments with him. Somehow, the lack of these imperfections make for an incomplete experience. But more than anything… Sephiroth can’t look at Cloud and know, at the end of the day, that Cloud has chosen him over everyone else in the world, because Cloud has never been given the agency of a choice to begin with.

What would that be like? He wonders absentmindedly as Cloud moves up to press kisses to his cheekbone. He imagines Cloud, the person, not the puppet, pulling him into his arms and holding him tight because he chooses to, not because Sephiroth makes him. Imagines Cloud truly, genuinely wanting Sephiroth, kissing him breathless…

Cloud suddenly presses their lips together, and Sephiroth stops breathing. It’s not a deep kiss by any means, but he’s purposefully never kissed Cloud on the lips before. It feels too close for comfort, too much, yet Sephiroth craves more, more, _more_ , all the way down into his bones. Clearly, Cloud can tell, because he deepens the kiss, and Sephiroth finds himself letting out a small, uncharacteristic whine as he simply lets Cloud continue. 

Perhaps Cloud simply senses that Sephiroth wants this, as their minds are so intrinsically connected. Sephiroth concludes that he needs to keep his thoughts better in check, but it’s so hard when Cloud is kissing him like this, because for a moment, he can almost pretend that this is real, and that Cloud really does love him–

Gods, he’s so pathetic, craving the one thing that he can’t have from Cloud. He’s just been lying here telling himself that he doesn’t need the attention of mortals. It seems like he’s been lying to himself. He wants to be loved. He wants to feel something, anything that’s not just make-believe.

“Sephiroth”, Cloud whispers against his lips. “I love you… Sephiroth…”

His thoughts are leaking over into Cloud again. It’s not real, Sephiroth repeats in his own head. None of it is real. He’s just trying to delude himself now. Cloud will never actually love him, because he’s a pathetic excuse of a person who has ruined every chance that he’s ever had to have something genuine. He’s torn the world apart, and for what? He’s struggling to breathe. He pushes Cloud off and sits up, trying to catch his breath.

A sob tears through the silence in the room. Sephiroth looks over at Cloud, surprised and alarmed by this display of emotion, but Cloud is just sitting there, looking slightly bewildered under his dazed standard expression. Another sob. Sephiroth flinches as he realises that he, not Cloud, was the one who made that sound. A tear rolls down his cheek, and then another.

“Sephiroth?” Cloud repeats and looks at him with such a concerned expression. “Did I… do something wrong?” Sephiroth bites his lip and uses one of his hands to cover his face – he doesn’t want anyone to see, even if it’s just his puppet – while burying his other hand in the bedsheets to have something to hold on to. He tries so very hard to hold back his sobs – pathetic, this is so pathetic – but the tears won’t stop falling. He’s so alone, and it’s all his own fault.

“No, puppet”, he manages, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. “You’re… doing well. I just…” Why is he trying so hard to explain himself to someone who won’t even have any use for that explanation anyway?

“You’re sad”, Cloud says mournfully. This is more than he’s ever spoken before, and Sephiroth wishes he could be delighted, but instead, it just makes him feel even worse. “Can I make it better?”

Sephiroth says nothing, but the soul-deep yearning he feels is enough for his puppet to be able to tell what he wants anyway. Cloud moves in, plants himself in Sephiroth’s lap and wraps his arms around him. Holds him close, so close, and Sephiroth wishes so desperately that he could pretend that this is real, that Cloud really does adore him above all else. He wraps his arms around Cloud in return and allows himself to cling, in a desperate attempt to fill the void inside him.

He wishes this could be the other way around. He’d be perfectly content to give up anything just to feel warm and safe and loved, even his own free will. If things were the other way around, if he was the puppet instead of Cloud, made completely compliant and docile by someone willing to treasure him, he thinks he wouldn’t mind. He wouldn’t have to think anymore, wouldn’t have to bear all this pain…

“I want you to love me, Cloud”, he confesses, shame pooling in his stomach. Even though he’s a god, highest of all beings, he feels lower than dirt for sinking to this level. Pathetic for craving a nobody’s attention, pathetic for what he’s done to get that attention, pathetic for knowing that he will never be satisfied with it.

“I do love you”, Cloud murmurs in his ear, clearly trying desperately to please him. He sounds distressed, but it’s probably just Sephiroth’s own distress leaking over into him. “I love you, Sephiroth! Please don’t be sad, please…”

If Sephiroth wasn’t a selfish person, perhaps he would let Cloud go, here. Release his hold on Cloud’s mind, since these empty words are never going to mean anything from a puppet. But instead, his heart devours those words hungrily, and he only tightens his grip on Cloud’s body and mind. If a puppet’s love is all he can have, then that is what he will take.

“Then make me feel loved, Cloud”, he says. “I’m your god. Worship me.”

Perhaps he can rid himself of these feelings, if he just indulges in what his puppet will give. Perhaps if he just keeps up this delusion, loses himself in it as deeply as Cloud has, it’ll finally start feeling like it’s enough.


	4. Weakness (Free Day)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth doesn't like coming home after lab visits.
> 
> Warnings: This is a sick-fic so there's hurt/comfort involved, but with emphasis on the comfort! I'm not being mean today like I was yesterday, haha
> 
> (Side note: This is like... twice as long as all my other entries bc I initially planned for it to be a completely separate fic. I started writing it for Christmas in 2019. Finally just had an excuse to get around to finishing it, lmao)

Being in SOLDIER meant having to put up with regular visits to Hojo’s lab to get Mako injections. Cloud, like everyone else, hated them. Hojo was a weirdo and Cloud was particularly sensitive to Mako sickness. Whenever he had an appointment with Hojo, it was certain that he would be out of business for the next 24 hours at the minimum.

He was so incredibly lucky to have Sephiroth. Since Cloud had moved in with him, everything about the lab appointments had become so much more bearable. Sephiroth would cook soup for Cloud when he couldn’t keep anything else down, help Cloud take a bath when his skin was too sensitive to handle a shower, tuck him into bed and stay with him until he fell asleep.

The thing with Sephiroth was that while he was an attentive boyfriend who was always fussing over Cloud, he was also very secretive. Even though they’d been in a serious relationship for a while, Cloud felt like he still lacked certain pieces of the puzzle that was Sephiroth. He knew exactly how Sephiroth liked his tea, what brands of shampoo he used and that he secretly really enjoyed watching awful movies.

On the other hand, he knew almost nothing about Sephiroth’s past, why he’d joined SOLDIER or what his childhood had been like. He hadn’t dared to bring it up with Sephiroth either, because he was worried that it was a sensitive subject since there was no public information about it. Even Zack, when Cloud had asked him about it, had simply shrugged and said he had no idea.

Then there was the fact that Sephiroth would never come home right after his lab appointments. When he went in for his Mako injections, he wouldn’t come back until the next day, already fully recovered, not a single trace of Mako sickness left.

“Don’t you ever feel sick after yours?” Cloud ended up asking one night in bed after his lab appointment. Mako did things to his filter. It was easier to just… say things, without worrying about the consequences.

“Hm?” Sephiroth’s hand, which had been busy petting Cloud’s hair, stopped moving.

“Yeah. Your lab appointments”, Cloud mumbled. “You’re so cute, fussing over me… I wanna fuss over you too.” He was lying on his side and Sephiroth was behind him, so he couldn’t see Sephiroth’s expression, which made the peculiar silence even more notable.

“I don’t want to be fussed over”, Sephiroth grumbled after being silent for a while.

“Sure you do. You’re a big softie.”

“Cloud. No.” Sephiroth’s voice was firm in the way it only ever was when he wanted to make it clear that something was not up for discussion, so Cloud decided to drop it.

Winter seemed to come quickly that year. Cloud was supposed to celebrate Winter Solstice in Nibelheim with his mom, like he did every year. It was the only time of year he went back to Nibelheim, and while he didn’t miss shitty small-town life at all, he definitely missed her.

However, this year, there was a new part of the equation: his boyfriend. It didn’t feel right to leave Sephiroth in Midgar to be all alone over the holidays, especially because Sephiroth had no family to speak of. You were supposed to spend Solstice with your loved ones… so Cloud decided to invite Sephiroth to come to Nibelheim with him.

“My schedule is booked. I can’t go with you”, Sephiroth said when he suggested it.

“It’s our first Solstice together, though… I’d feel bad going home and leaving you here on your own.”

“I don’t celebrate and never have”, Sephiroth said. “Go see your mother, Cloud.” His tone told Cloud that it wasn’t worth arguing; that Sephiroth had already made up his mind. Cloud felt bad about it, and about the fact that he’d have to spend a week away from Sephiroth, but he supposed he’d just have to accept that this was just how things were going to be.

Regardless, Cloud made some preparations. Even if he couldn’t spend Solstice with Sephiroth, he could still make the best out of it. He got Sephiroth some gifts – a box of those chocolates he knew Sephiroth liked, a comfy green holiday sweater that his mom had knitted, as well as a pair of handcuffs that he was sure they’d have lots of fun trying out in bed once he returned home. He wrapped them all up the evening before Solstice, just before he was about to leave for Nibelheim. Sephiroth wasn’t home, and had said he wouldn’t be home until after Cloud left, so leaving them out for him to find felt like the best option.

It was very important for Cloud to catch the right bus to Junon. The ferry from Junon to Costa del Sol only departed once a day, and the bus that went from Costa del Sol to Nibelheim had an even more irregular schedule, so if he missed any of those it’d be hard to make it home to his mom in time for Solstice. Thus, he decided to head for the bus station early, so that he could make absolutely sure that he would be on time.

He texted Sephiroth that he would be leaving now – he knew that Sephiroth liked regular updates on his situation – while putting the presents out on the kitchen table for Sephiroth to find. Oh, wait, he should bring a water bottle so that he had something to swallow down his motion sickness meds with! He finished putting all the presents down and packed a water bottle into his bag. Then he looked at the time and realised he should get going.

Getting to the bus station from the Shinra building was an adventure in itself. Midgar was a very packed city, and it took twice as long as Cloud had expected to actually make it to his destination. He still made it on time, though, and had to wait for a bit, but not with as much of a margin as he would’ve liked.

The bus arrived right on schedule, surprisingly. Cloud was just about to get on when he realised that he’d forgotten his phone. He’d put it down on the kitchen table as he went to grab his water bottle. For fuck’s sake. He just couldn’t do anything right, could he?

He only had a little bit of time to make a choice. Sure, he could still get to Nibelheim without the phone, but he’d have absolutely no way of keeping in touch with Sephiroth, because he was shit at memorising things and thus sadly didn’t know Sephiroth’s phone number by heart. Even though Sephiroth had said he didn’t mind, Cloud already felt absolutely terrible about leaving him alone in Midgar over the holidays, where he would no doubt be working his ass off every day.

Yeah, no way. He would just have to figure something out. Catch another bus to Junon, wait for the next day’s ferry and arrive late in Nibelheim. With a heavy heart, Cloud headed back to the Shinra building, chiding himself the whole time. This wouldn’t have had to be so complicated, but of course Cloud Strife, master of disasters, just had to make a mess.

He was so busy dealing with his frustrations towards himself that at first when he returned to the apartment, he didn’t realise that something was up. The lights were turned off, so it didn’t look like anyone was home. However, once Cloud turned the lights on, he found Sephiroth’s uniform – boots, coat, pants, everything – discarded in a heap on the floor. His blood ran cold. This was _not_ like Sephiroth at all. He never made a mess if he could avoid it. 

Now that Cloud was paying attention, he noticed sounds coming from the bathroom. His feet steered him over there immediately; he didn’t even bother taking his shoes off, even though Sephiroth would be mad that he got dirt on the carpet. His heart was racing so fast, and he had to try very hard not to let himself create any nightmare scenarios during the time it took to reach the bathroom – a few seconds that felt like years.

He found Sephiroth on the floor of the bathroom. He’d clearly just gotten out of the shower. Soaked, shivering, curled up on the floor with nothing but a towel to keep him warm. The heavy smell of Mako stung Cloud’s nose immediately as he stepped into the room.

“Seph?” he whispered, trying very hard not to panic. This felt… wrong. He’d never seen anything like it before. Sephiroth perked up at the sound of his voice, as if he hadn’t noticed Cloud until now. He glanced up at Cloud with bleary, tired eyes.

“Cloud… I thought you weren’t supposed to be home.” Sephiroth’s voice was hoarse, and he had to strain his entire body in order to sit up. “I’ll… I’ll go back to the labs, just… give me a moment…”

“Back to… of course not!” Cloud stuttered as it began to hit him what this was. “You had a lab appointment today? You got your Mako injections?” Sephiroth managed a tiny nod. “Don’t you usually stay at the labs for those?”

“Only when you’re home”, Sephiroth muttered. “Thought you wouldn’t be here…”

Well, lots to unpack there. Sephiroth was Mako-sick and had been planning to be miserable at home while Cloud was visiting his mom. A part of Cloud wanted to scold him, but Mako sickness was already miserable enough as it was. He wasn’t going to make it any worse for Sephiroth by arguing with him.

“Don’t worry, Seph”, Cloud said and crouched down to be more on Sephiroth’s eye level. “I can look after you.” He tried to reach out to touch Sephiroth, but Sephiroth flinched and drew away from his touch.

“Don’t you have a bus to catch…?”

“I missed it already”, Cloud said and helped Sephiroth to his feet. “Let’s get you something to eat now. You’ll feel better if Mako isn’t the only thing in your system.”

There was chicken soup left over in the fridge from when Cloud had had his latest lab appointment, so after dragging Sephiroth over to the living room couch, Cloud went to heat it up. He left it to his own devices for a bit and found that Sephiroth was leaning his head back against the cushions, his entire body shivering.

“Are you cold?” Cloud asked. “Should I get you some warmer clothes?” No response. Oh well. Cloud knew that he usually wanted to feel warm while he was Mako-sick. He went to grab some sweatpants from Sephiroth’s closet and was about to grab a shirt as well, until he remembered the sweater that his mom had made. He brought the pants to Sephiroth and then dashed to the kitchen to unwrap the present he’d wrapped for Sephiroth just hours earlier.

“What’s that?” Sephiroth asked when he arrived with the sweater. He’d somehow managed to get into the sweatpants while Cloud wasn’t looking.

“A present from my mom”, Cloud replied and offered Sephiroth a smile. “She made it herself. It’s really warm. Why don’t you try it on?”

“Oh”, Sephiroth said, a strange expression on his face. “She got me a present…?”

“Of course! I think she probably made a matching one for me that she was gonna give me when I got there, but…” Cloud watched as Sephiroth wrinkled his nose at him. “What’s wrong?”

“The colour. It looks like Mako.”

“It’s supposed to match your eyes, you dork.” Cloud helped Sephiroth put the sweater on – Sephiroth clearly didn’t appreciate the coddling – only to notice that he’d never taking his outdoor clothes off. Sephiroth hadn’t even noticed. Hopefully, he wouldn’t notice the mud stains on the floor either. Cloud hurriedly took them off and then went to grab the now finished soup from the kitchen.

He quickly encountered the next challenge: getting Sephiroth to eat. The moment he brought Sephiroth the bowl of soup, Sephiroth gave him the most irritated look Cloud had ever seen on his face.

“I don’t want any.”

“C’mon. You’ve got to eat something.”

“No.”

“Just a little bit. Please, Seph. For me. I bought you that chocolate you like as a present. You can have some if you just eat this.” Cloud hated to resort to pleading and bribing, but if that was what it took, he would happily do so for Sephiroth’s sake.

“I’m not a child, Cloud”, Sephiroth grumbled. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m gonna have to force it down your throat if you don’t eat it!” Cloud declared. Even if Sephiroth said otherwise, it really did feel like dealing with a stubborn child. “You don’t have to eat all of it if you don’t want to. I just want you to eat something.”

Reluctantly, Sephiroth seemed to accept that he was fighting a losing battle. He allowed Cloud to spoon-feed him, but only had half of the bowl before he simply refused to have any more.

“No more. I can’t”, he whispered, looking genuinely nauseous. Cloud realised that he was seeing a range of expressions tonight that he’d rarely, if ever, seen on Sephiroth’s usually rather expressionless face before.

“Okay.” Cloud wasn’t about to pressure him any further. “I’m glad you got some food into you, though. Well done.” He patted Sephiroth’s cheek, hoping to get a better reaction this time, but once again, Sephiroth pulled away from his touch. “Hey, what’s wrong? I just wanna take care of you.”

“Don’t touch me. You could never understand”, Sephiroth muttered and sank further against the couch cushions. Even with the warm sweater, he was still shivering.

“Not if you don’t give me a chance to”, Cloud said. Sephiroth seemed… so hostile. It was odd. Sure, he always had a surprisingly sharp tongue, but Cloud had never felt targeted by his passive-aggressive comments like this before.

“I hate dealing with Hojo.” Sephiroth grimaced. “He makes me feel sick.”

“Yeah, I don’t like him either”, Cloud said in an attempt to be sympathetic. “But I guess that’s just what we have to put up with, being in SOLDIER…” He watched as Sephiroth’s hands curled into fists right before Sephiroth whipped his head around to look at Cloud with anger in his gaze.

“I never asked to be in SOLDIER!” Sephiroth’s voice was sharp. Cloud flinched. Sephiroth pretty much never raised his voice and had never done so towards him. “You, everyone else in the program… you had a choice!” Okay, he’d been patient so far, but he wasn’t going to tolerate Sephiroth taking out his anger on him, no matter how concerning the things he was saying were.

“Why are you being so mean?” Cloud snapped.

“I’m sorry”, Sephiroth said quickly. Too quickly. The anger faded from his face and was replaced with something oddly timid. It was as if the response just happened automatically. It only further hammered home the point that something was horribly, horribly wrong.

“Don’t worry about it”, Cloud said, softening his voice, trying to keep the mood light despite everything. “Mako clearly makes you cranky. I shouldn’t have yelled at you either.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Sephiroth hung his head low. Cloud couldn’t see his eyes, but saw that he was biting down on his lip.

“Maybe we should get you to bed”, Cloud said softly.

“Maybe”, Sephiroth agreed half-heartedly. He just sounded sad now, as if all life had been drained out of him. Cloud had never looked at Sephiroth and pitied him before, but he supposed there was a first for everything.

Cloud helped Sephiroth to his feet and practically dragged him to the bedroom. There, he tucked Sephiroth beneath every single blanket he could find, before excusing himself and hurrying to grab his phone from where it was still lying on the kitchen table. He needed to call his mom to let her know that he wouldn’t be making it in time for Solstice after all. It seemed like she was out, probably making last-minute preparations for Cloud’s visit, because the call went to voicemail.

“Hi, mom. It’s me, Cloud. Um. I’m sorry, this is really sudden, but… I won’t make it home in time for Solstice. Sephiroth suddenly got sick and I don’t wanna leave him all alone. I know that you were looking forward to this, and I was too, but… I already missed my bus anyway, so there’s not much I can do about it. Uh… You can call me back when it suits you. I miss you. Love you. Bye.”

After that ordeal, Cloud headed back into the bedroom, expecting to find his boyfriend cranky and unresponsive, but instead, Sephiroth perked his head up the moment he stepped in, eyes wide and alert.

“I thought you left.” He sounded dazed. And also sad. The Mako was probably making him more than a bit delirious.

“I was only away for a few minutes. I had to call my mom”, Cloud explained. “Looks like I won’t be going there for Solstice after all, now. Unless you want me to leave that badly.” He added that last thing as a joke, but with the way Sephiroth looked at him when he said it, he quickly regretted it.

“I don’t…” Sephiroth’s breath caught in his throat. “I don’t want to be alone, Cloud.” Cloud’s heart melted at the soft confession.

“You’re not. You’re not alone. I’m right here.” Cloud moved closer and sat down next to Sephiroth on the bed. Sephiroth gazed up at him with the kind of look that told Cloud that he really wanted something. “Do you need anything at all? You can just tell me.”

“Can you… touch me?” Sephiroth sounded painfully hesitant. “Please?” Cloud’s heart ached. Sephiroth had never begged Cloud for anything before.

“Of course!” Cloud said. That was an easy request to fulfil. He dropped down next to Sephiroth and reached his hands out, placing them on Sephiroth’s cheeks. Sephiroth once again winced under his touch, and Cloud quickly withdrew his hands. “Oh. Sorry. Too much?”

“No”, Sephiroth whispered. “More, Cloud, please…”

“You seem uncomfortable”, Cloud said and brushed a finger over Sephiroth’s cheek. Once again, Sephiroth flinched. “Does the Mako make your skin more sensitive? Maybe I shouldn’t…”

“I want you to touch me…”

“I don’t want to touch you if it hurts you”, Cloud said.

He could see the moment something in Sephiroth just… shattered. The sharp inhale of his breath followed by biting down on his lip as he lowered his gaze. And then, Sephiroth – the strongest SOLDIER 1st Class, the man Cloud had worshipped since childhood – let out a sob. At first, Cloud thought he had to be imagining it, that there was no way… but then he saw a single tear roll down Sephiroth’s cheek.

“Oh no”, Cloud gasped, not entirely sure how to process the fact that Sephiroth was _crying_ in front of him. Another line he hadn’t expected to cross at all tonight. “Seph, don’t cry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Sephiroth heaved in a deep breath. Then another. He managed to even his breathing out, and wiped the single tear off his cheek. He didn’t look up at Cloud afterwards. Simply curled in on himself, looking so miserable that Cloud wasn’t sure what to do. So he simply sat there for a little bit, watching Sephiroth to see if he would say anything.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”, Sephiroth spoke up after a while, painfully hesitant. “I’m… I’m so scared.”

“Scared?” This made Cloud’s heart hurt. “Why?”

“You weren’t supposed to see me like this”, Sephiroth whispered and dared to look up at Cloud again. “I’m sorry… Are you going to leave now? Please don’t leave me.” For that moment, with that desperate look in his eyes, he looked so terribly young.

“Why… would I leave?” Cloud asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“You’ve loved a façade, all this time. I’ve been lying to you. I’m not a hero. I’m just a pathetic lab rat playing pretend.”

“Oh Seph…” Cloud had to try very hard to stop his voice from cracking. “Don’t say that.”

“I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anything good at all”, Sephiroth murmured.

“What? That’s not true. Where did all of this come from?” Cloud wanted to blame the Mako, but it that couldn’t be it, at least not entirely. No matter how weird his own Mako injections made him act, they never changed his perspective on the world completely. They just… made stuff come up to the surface. “Seph, have you been feeling like this the entire time we’ve been together?” He got a nod in response, and his heart sank. “Why… why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to know.” Sephiroth’s voice was hoarse. “I’m… supposed to be strong. Perfect. That’s what makes people want me.”

“That’s not how it works. I’m not always perfect and you still wanna be with me, right?”

“It’s not the same thing…” Sephiroth said, shaking his head in dismay. “You’re not supposed to be perfect. I am.”

“I don’t care. I don’t need you to be perfect for me. The only thing I need is…” Cloud swallowed. “…I need you to feel safe with me. Safe enough to not be terrified that I’m going to leave if you show the slightest amount of weakness.”

“Safe?” Sephiroth’s lip trembled and he averted his gaze again. “I… I don’t…”

“You don’t feel safe with me?” Cloud asked gently. It hurt to hear Sephiroth say that, but more than anything, he just wanted to know if there was something, anything, that he could do to change that.

“I don’t feel safe _anywhere_. I’m sorry, Cloud, it’s not your fault, I…”

“It’s okay. We’ll have to work on that, then. What can I do to help you feel safe?” Cloud took Sephiroth’s hands into his own and ran his fingers over Sephiroth’s knuckles as Sephiroth gave him an incredulous look.

“You’d…” Sephiroth’s voice was small. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course. Now, what do you want me to do?”

“Touch me”, Sephiroth whispered. “I don’t care that the Mako makes it hurt. It hurts more to go without it. Please, Cloud.”

So Cloud did. He touched Sephiroth’s face and ran his fingers down his neck, but didn’t go any further. The rest of Sephiroth was covered by blankets, and the response he got from just touching Sephiroth’s face and neck made Cloud feel like it was probably better to not go overboard.

It was undeniably strange to see Sephiroth like this, trembling and breath hitching from every little touch Cloud gave him. He was normally so quiet, so composed, so completely in control of himself that Cloud could never have believed that he was hiding this much underneath it. A part of Cloud appreciated that the walls around Sephiroth seemed to have crumbled, but he wished that it hadn’t happened like this. Despite asking to be touched, Sephiroth looked so wary every time Cloud’s fingers touched his skin.

“You know that I’m not gonna hurt you… right, Seph?” Cloud asked.

“Logically, I know you cannot physically harm me”, Sephiroth said. It didn’t feel like an answer.

“But you think I’m gonna hurt you in some other way”, Cloud said.

“I’m going to wake up and you won’t be here”, Sephiroth whispered. “You’re going to leave. I know you are.” It was said with such resignation, such complete confidence, that it made Cloud hurt inside.

“Nope. Not gonna happen. I promise.”

“I’m going to lose you.” The look in Sephiroth’s eyes was distant. “You must be getting tired of me.”

It was almost eerie how those words were an exact reflection of things Cloud had told himself many times, especially early on in their relationship. He’d been so insecure, completely certain that Sephiroth would ditch him the moment that seemed more convenient. But to think that Sephiroth believed that as well, and still did?

“Why… why would you think that?”

“Look at me”, Sephiroth murmured. “I’m… I’m so…”

“I am looking at you!” Cloud interrupted him. “And the only thing I can think about… is that you’re hurting, and that I wanna help make it better.” He twirled a strand of Sephiroth’s hair around his finger. “You should try to get some sleep. You’ll feel better if you rest.”

“I don’t want to go to sleep.” Sephiroth’s hands shot out from under the blankets and clung to Cloud’s wrists. “You’ll leave.” That delirious desperation hadn’t faded from his eyes. Cloud tried to think. He really thought it would be best if Sephiroth managed to get some rest, but it was clear that Sephiroth was too terrified to sleep like this. But then, it hit him.

“I have an idea. Let go. I’ll be right back.” Cloud wriggled himself free of Sephiroth’s grip despite the miserable sound Sephiroth made in response. Again, he rushed over to the kitchen and tore open one of the presents he’d wrapped for Sephiroth. Not how he’d imagined using this gift, but oh well…

Sephiroth looked very confused when Cloud returned to bed with a pair of handcuffs in his hand. He watched blearily as Cloud handcuffed them together, and it took him a while to even get a word out.

“Handcuffs…?”

“Yeah!” Cloud said and held up the key to the handcuffs so that Sephiroth could see it clearly, before tossing it down onto the floor. “See? Now the key’s out of reach. I can’t leave during the night without waking you up.”

“…Oh.” Confusion flickered across Sephiroth’s face, before shifting into the closest thing to relief Cloud had seen on his face all evening. “You can’t leave.”

“That’s right.”

“You… really want to stay with me.”

“Yeah. You can sleep soundly, knowing that I’ll be right here.”

Sephiroth shifted closer to Cloud, at that. With his own handcuffed hand, he grabbed Cloud’s handcuffed hand and twined their fingers together, and Cloud squeezed it back. Sephiroth looked so tired, but Cloud could see the genuine adoration in his eyes, beneath that terrible sadness.

“For my entire life, I’ve always been… so alone”, Sephiroth whispered. “I… don’t know how to adjust, now that I’m not.” Gods, how had Cloud never noticed any of this before?

“I get it”, Cloud said. “I was alone for a long time too. You know… when we first started dating, I was sure it wasn’t gonna last. I was sure you were gonna ditch me as soon as you got bored of me.”

“Cloud, that’s not… I’d never get bored of you”, Sephiroth whispered breathlessly. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I know that now. Sometimes it’s just hard for me to see that.”

“I’m sorry”, Sephiroth said in the smallest imaginable voice. “I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to be good enough for you.” It was impossible to not feel bad for him. Cloud just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. He vowed to himself to do just that when Sephiroth was feeling better.

“Seph, you’re already more than good enough. I promise.”

“I am?” Sephiroth whispered, as if he’d never heard anything better in his entire life.

“Yeah. You’re wonderful. I love you so much”, Cloud replied softly. “Try to get some sleep now. I’ll be right here, okay?”

“Okay”, Sephiroth said quietly and settled down to sleep.

As it turned out, Cloud didn’t get much sleep that night. Every once in a while, he’d wake up to Sephiroth deliriously calling his name in a panic, and would have to soothe him into going back to sleep after the nightmares. It was heart-breaking to see such genuine fear in Sephiroth’s eyes, but at the same time, the way he seemed to relax every time he laid eyes on Cloud was enough to make Cloud feel a bit less upset by the entire thing. Clearly, he was capable of making Sephiroth feel safe after all.

Morning finally came, and Cloud slowly awoke to the feeling of a weight pressing down on his chest. He cracked an eye open and found that Sephiroth had shifted around to rest his head on Cloud’s chest and was watching him unblinkingly.

“Hey”, Cloud said, slightly nervous because he couldn’t tell what Sephiroth’s carefully neutral expression was supposed to portray. “Uh… You feeling any better?”

“Your mother called”, Sephiroth said and gestured towards Cloud’s phone, within reach on the bedside table. His voice was equally calm and difficult to read. “I didn’t want to wake you up, so I answered the phone for you. She inquired about my well-being. I made sure to apologise to her.”

“Apologise? Why?”

“I seem to have stolen her son from her”, Sephiroth replied. “I must apologise to you as well. I ruined your Solstice with my… nonsense.” For just a second, his expression faltered, and Cloud could see yesterday’s pain in his eyes.

“Oh Seph, you didn’t ruin anything”, Cloud said and brushed his hand over Sephiroth’s cheek, delighted that he didn’t flinch away this time. “I’ll visit my mom another time. I’m relieved that I happened to forget my phone so that you didn’t have to spend the night here all alone.”

“I didn’t intend for this”, Sephiroth murmured. “Mako makes me act… weak. I do not like to be seen as weak.”

“I don’t want you to be scared to be vulnerable with me”, Cloud confessed. Watched as more emotion peeked out of Sephiroth’s eyes. “I want you to feel like you can trust me.”

“I do. I just…” Sephiroth sighed. “Can we talk about this later? I still don’t feel quite like my normal self.”

“Of course”, Cloud said and couldn’t help smiling. “Let’s enjoy our first Solstice together instead. Deal with all the heavy stuff another day.”

“That sounds pleasant”, Sephiroth murmured. “Though perhaps we should remove the handcuffs. They’re starting to chafe.” He managed a lopsided smile. “And I would very much like to have some of those chocolates you were mentioning yesterday as well.”

“That means we’d have to move, though…” Cloud groaned. “You sure you want to?”

“Hm… Good point. Perhaps we’ll have to stay here a little while longer”, Sephiroth murmured and closed his eyes again. Cloud smiled, leant his head back against the pillow and ran fingers through Sephiroth’s hair, allowing himself to truly relax for the first time since last night.

“Next year you’re coming with me to Nibelheim for Solstice, okay? No work, no lab appointments. Mom’s gonna be disappointed otherwise.”

“Hmph. I suppose I can’t argue with that…” Sephiroth nuzzled Cloud’s chest. “I wouldn’t want to invoke your mother’s wrath.” Cloud laughed.

“You’d better not!”

They lay there for a while, curled up in silence, until a soft whisper came from Sephiroth.

“Merry Solstice, Cloud.”

And Cloud replied in turn.

“Merry Solstice, Sephiroth.”


	5. Gloves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud wants to touch Sephiroth's hands.
> 
> Warnings: None that I can think of...
> 
> This is a continuation to last year's "Gloves" prompt! It can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22403899/chapters/53681878)!

Cloud had a problem. He couldn’t stop thinking about Sephiroth’s hands. And no, it wasn’t that he had a fixation on them because they belonged to Sephiroth, or even because he just really liked hands in particular, thank you very much, Zack. He was thinking about them because of how their owner seemed to feel about them, or more specifically, about the tattoo on one of them.

He supposed that was why Sephiroth always wore gloves. Cloud had thought that maybe Sephiroth just knew how sexy leather gloves were – which, to be fair, he probably also did – not that there was some sort of deep-seated reason for it. The look in Sephiroth’s eyes when he’d admitted to Cloud that the number 1 tattoo on the back of his hand was what marked him as Shinra property… Cloud couldn’t forget about it.

Maybe in any other situation, Cloud wouldn’t have let it bother him so much, but the truth was that it impacted their relationship. Sephiroth wasn’t a particularly touchy-feely person in general, but it was clear that he didn’t feel completely comfortable when it came to Cloud and anything to do with his hands. Which also meant that he wasn’t touching Cloud nearly as much as Cloud would’ve liked. Physical affection wasn’t exactly the main priority here; it wasn’t anything he demanded from this relationship… but he thought it would be nice, regardless.

After Sephiroth’s hesitant admission, Cloud decided that he needed to put special care into making sure that Sephiroth felt comfortable with showing Cloud his hands, or at least just with having them in Cloud’s vicinity. Sephiroth had such beautiful hands, strong and firm yet slender and graceful. It was a shame that they were such a rare sight.

Cloud started small, by trying to hold Sephiroth’s hand whenever he could. Not in public, because obviously that was a terrible idea on so many levels, but whenever they were alone, he’d try to sneak his own hand into Sephiroth’s. Always the right hand, a safer bet because he knew that the tattoo was on the left. 

“What are you doing?” Sephiroth asked after around the fifth time or so, while they were in Sephiroth’s apartment watching a movie. Cloud gave him an innocent look in response.

“What do you mean?”

“This”, Sephiroth said and moved their intertwined hands.

“You don’t like it?” Cloud asked, heart sinking. Even with the gloves on, Sephiroth’s hands were big and warm and perfect to hold.

“I never said that”, Sephiroth replied and tilted his head in that way he always did when something perplexed him. “I’m simply curious as to what brought this on.”

“It’s not weird to want to hold your boyfriend’s hand”, Cloud replied and squeezed Sephiroth’s hand tighter.

“I suppose not”, Sephiroth murmured, lips curving slightly upward at the mention of their relationship as he, much to Cloud’s delight, squeezed his hand back just a little bit. It was probably good that he didn’t squeeze any harder than that, though; Cloud’s poor unenhanced hand couldn’t take that sort of pressure.

Still, Cloud wished there was more he could do. He tried different things than just plainly holding Sephiroth’s hand. Tracing circles against his palm. Running fingers over his knuckles. Sephiroth didn’t seem to mind, simply watching Cloud keep at it most of the time, with a peaceful expression on his face.

So Cloud got a bit bolder. One day as they greeted each other after Sephiroth returned from a mission, he took Sephiroth’s hand and pressed a kiss to it. The smell of leather stung his nose, but the taken aback yet endeared expression on Sephiroth’s face was what made it worth it. No sign of being bothered by it at all.

“That seemed like something Zack would do”, Sephiroth murmured after a moment’s silence. “Did he perhaps inspire you?”

“You think I can’t be romantic without help?” Cloud questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s… quite unlike you, I must say”, Sephiroth said. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, mind you.”

“Well, if you do appreciate it, I’ll make sure to do it more often”, Cloud replied and placed another kiss to Sephiroth’s hand, before bringing it up and pressing it to his cheek. Sephiroth watched him unblinkingly, fingers curling slightly against Cloud’s cheekbone. Even with the layer of leather between them, it felt good.

“Your appreciation of this has been noted as well”, Sephiroth replied, quiet, cautious, yet not uncomfortably so.

Cloud made sure to touch Sephiroth’s hand even more regularly after that, until Sephiroth eventually began to initiate as well. Even with the gloves on, and even if it was just the right hand, it was still nice. Cloud actually found he rather liked the feeling of leather against his skin, even though skin against skin was what he was really craving. But soon, he began to catch himself thinking that maybe it didn’t even matter that Sephiroth never took his gloves off in front of him, even though that had been his initial goal. If Sephiroth was more comfortable like this, this was fine too.

Or at least it was fine, until Sephiroth had Cloud over for dinner one evening. Cloud accidentally tried to grab Sephiroth’s left hand instead of his right, which resulted in Sephiroth flinching away so hard that he knocked his glass of wine off the table, where it shattered against the floor.

“Shit!” Cloud exclaimed, too stunned to do anything else while Sephiroth mumbled an apology and got up to clean the mess off the floor. “Seph, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s all right”, Sephiroth said, keeping his voice carefully neutral in that way he usually did when something was bothering him. “It was an accident.”

“I didn’t mean to startle you”, Cloud whispered. This felt bad. He should’ve paid more attention…

“I’m not upset, Cloud”, Sephiroth said. It was always so hard to decipher his mood from the tone of his voice, but Cloud got the feeling that Sephiroth was definitely upset.

“You don’t have to lie to me”, Cloud said. Great, did Sephiroth hate him now? Was Sephiroth never going to forgive him for this incident? Was this gonna lead to them breaking up, because Cloud was just that much of an idiot who couldn’t respect boundaries and…

“Cloud”, Sephiroth said, voice tinged with concern. “Try to breathe properly. I think you need to relax.”

Did he? He was kinda having a hard time breathing, now that he thought about it. Cloud drew a shaky breath, and then another. Couldn’t seem to catch his breath. A few seconds, or maybe an eternity, went by like that, and nothing seemed to change. Then, something heavy came to rest on Cloud’s left shoulder.

“Cloud.” Sephiroth’s voice was firm yet soothing. Fingers curled into Cloud’s shirt, and Cloud glanced over, expecting to find a gloved hand on his shoulder. Instead, he found… Sephiroth’s hand. Gloveless. It was the right hand, because there was no tattoo on it. Cloud stared at it for a few seconds, surprised enough that it startled him out of the worst of his overthinking.

“Why’d you take it off?” he wondered, not realising he’d said it out loud until Sephiroth responded.

“My gloves are covered in wine and shards of glass, Cloud.” Sephiroth held up his right glove with his still gloved left hand. “I would prefer to not stain or damage your shirt.”

“Why’d you use your hands to clean it up and not… a rag, or a vacuum-cleaner or something?” Cloud asked. His voice felt weak.

“I… may not have thought this through properly, in the heat of the moment”, Sephiroth replied, looking at his gloves with a rather sheepish expression. “I will be right back.”

One vacuum-cleaning session and a thorough wiping of the floor later, Sephiroth returned to the table. Cloud had been sitting there the whole time, trying to make sense of everything that had just happened, but his brain was just not being very cooperative. He also got way more distracted by the fact that Sephiroth had taken both gloves off now. The number 1 tattoo stood in stark contrast, black ink on pale skin.

“I would prefer you didn’t stare”, Sephiroth said, covering his left hand with his right one.

“Sorry”, Cloud said and immediately averted his gaze. He just kept messing things up today…

“Did I do something to make you upset?” Sephiroth asked. “Did the food get cold while I was cleaning up? You could just have kept eating while you waited.”

“I’m upset because I upset you”, Cloud said.

“You didn’t upset me”, Sephiroth replied, tilting his head a little bit to the side with a confused expression on his face. “I’m simply… frustrated with myself, for reacting in such an irrational way to such a brief touch.”

“Don’t be. I know that you don’t like it. I should’ve been more careful”, Cloud said. He was deeply relieved that Sephiroth wasn’t angry at him, but at the same time, he wished that Sephiroth wouldn’t have to be upset in the first place.

“It’s ridiculous”, Sephiroth huffed. “I know that you’ve already seen the number and that it doesn’t bother you…”

“But it bothers you”, Cloud said. “If it makes you that uncomfortable to let me see it, you don’t have to show it to me.”

“So you say, but I can tell that you want me to take the gloves off”, Sephiroth murmured. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that the attention you’ve been giving to my hands lately. It’s rather obvious.”

“I didn’t realise you noticed…” Cloud felt a wave of shame wash over him again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“That’s not my point”, Sephiroth interjected. “I meant that I feel like a fool for not being able to give you something so simple, Cloud.”

“You don’t owe me anything just because we’re in a relationship.” Cloud wanted to reach out and hold Sephiroth’s hand for some support, but it would go against the point he was trying to make here. “It’s your body.”

“My body belongs to Shinra. Not to me”, Sephiroth said gravely. Well… Cloud really didn’t want to start unpacking all of that on top of everything else.

“Well… Regardless of who actually owns your body, it’s certainly not me. So you don’t owe me anything. Okay?”

“I suppose that’s a good point… I hadn’t thought of it that way before”, Sephiroth said. He was drumming the fingers of his right hand against the back of his left hand now. Cloud wondered why he’d never considered that angle before. This lack of a sense of autonomy was… sort of concerning. “However, I still find myself… uncertain of how to move forward, here. I do want to rid myself of this irrational reaction and feel at ease with my hands being touched, but…”

“Maybe we’ll just work with the right hand first, then?” Cloud suggested, swallowing down the many other questions he had for Sephiroth. Those would have to be dealt with another day. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do… You seem to handle that better.”

“Perhaps”, Sephiroth said and glanced down at his hands. He seemed to think very hard about something for a moment, eyebrows furrowing as he bit his lip. And then, before Cloud could question what he was thinking about, he reached across the table and planted his right hand on top of Cloud’s own.

“Oh”, Cloud exclaimed. “I didn’t mean you had to… do it right away, you know.”

“I know”, Sephiroth said and offered him a surprisingly mischievous grin. “But sometimes I enjoy surprising you.”

Cloud experimentally ran his fingers over Sephiroth’s palm. His skin was ridiculously smooth and perfect, just like the rest of him. Sephiroth grew a little bit tense when Cloud moved over to touch the back of his hand, but quickly relaxed again when Cloud offered him an encouraging smile.

“You’ve got pretty hands”, Cloud blurted out, and Sephiroth’s grin became smug.

“Zack was right. I knew you had a thing for hands.”

“I don’t!” Cloud protested. “Just… your hands.” He got nothing but a laugh from Sephiroth in response. “Be careful with what you say next or I might just lick your hand”, he threatened half-jokingly.

“I’m sure you’d like to do that, as enamoured by my hands as you are”, Sephiroth purred.

“Ugh, you’re the worst”, Cloud groaned, but not without offering Sephiroth a smile that was returned just as warmly.

“I try my best.”


	6. Hanahaki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was supposed to be just another one of their battles traps Sephiroth and Cloud in a difficult situation involving ancient Cetra magic.
> 
> Warnings: Hanahaki (as I'm sure you could've guessed), altered mental states, as well as feelings of being trapped

In hindsight, maybe Sephiroth could have picked a better revival spot than the place where the Temple of the Ancients used to be. However, it had seemed fitting at the time! The place where Sephiroth had first accepted Cloud as his puppet and where Cloud had given him the Black Materia… It had seemed apt.

However, he hadn’t counted on Cloud already being there waiting for him the moment he manifested himself, and being aggressively attacked the instant he was reborn was a little bit overwhelming, even for him. Still, he could probably have recovered just fine from this.

If the ground underneath them hadn’t given away and sent them both tumbling into the abyss, that was. It was all so surprising and disorienting that Sephiroth somehow managed to forget for those few seconds that he had a wing and that he could fly.

Regardless, even if hitting the ground hurt, it wasn’t anything he couldn’t recover from. Some sort of powder stung his nose, and it was terribly unpleasant, but nothing life-threatening. Sephiroth scrambled to his feet, realising that he’d landed on some sort of altar and broken some sort of pot filled with the strange dust that he was now covered in, whereas Cloud had landed on the floor just a few metres away and was currently getting to his feet while swearing.

“Surely you could’ve offered me a warmer welcome, Cloud. I will have to remind you to behave yourself next time”, Sephiroth purred, slipped down onto the floor and called Masamune to him. Except the sword didn’t appear in his hand at all; instead, he was sent into a coughing fit that nearly caused him to double over.

“Wow, I’m very intimidated right now”, Cloud deadpanned. “Are you gonna sneeze at me next?”

Sephiroth wanted to offer a snide reply, but he couldn’t get a word out. His lungs were burning, and it felt like something was stuck in his throat. As he kept coughing, Cloud started examining their surroundings, basically completely ignoring Sephiroth in favour of peering up towards the ceiling. Sephiroth did the same, trying to hold back his coughing. They’d tumbled very far down, and the walls looked impossible to scale. Another bout of coughing overcame him, and he covered his mouth with his hand as something forced its way up.

Whatever had lodged itself in his throat seemed to have finally come loose. Sephiroth spit it out into his palm as he examined the room itself, covered in Cetra paintings and with the only exit leading out into some sort of dark hallway.

“Well, guess there’s no other choice. Gotta find a way out of here…” Cloud huffed and set off down the path that led into the dark while ignoring Sephiroth completely. How frustrating! Sephiroth was tempted to just fly back up and start wreaking havoc in the closest nearby settlement while Cloud desperately tried to find his way out, but then he looked down at his palm and found a single yellow petal glaring back at him.

Perhaps it could’ve been a coincidence, but the pressure in his lungs still hadn’t relented. That powder he’d inhaled upon breaking what seemed like ancient Cetra artifacts… Sephiroth knew exactly what this was. When he’d first fallen into the Lifestream, he’d gained the knowledge of generations upon generations of Cetra. Hanahaki, they had called it. Commonly used to curse your enemies. Force them to suffocate slowly on flowers until they either died, or…

Or until the object of your affection returns your feelings. A very cruel, powerful curse, but very situational, due to being completely dependent on your target holding unrequited romantic feelings for someone.

Wait, then why had he coughed up this petal? Sephiroth stared down at it and wanted to laugh. It wasn’t possible for him to hold such attachments anymore; his duty was to Mother and he’d discarded all of his human feelings except those for Cloud…

…except those for Cloud. Oh. Oh no. Sephiroth hadn’t been certain whether or not he still had a heart until it sunk in his chest. He had never defined those feelings like that before, but the more he thought about it, the more right it felt. Of course he was in love with Cloud. Nothing in the world had ever made more sense.

He couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t like death had ever been able to stop him – it was an inconvenience at worst – but the thought of choking to death on flowers due to apparently being in unrequited love with Cloud was… humiliating, to say the least. Yes, it wouldn’t kill him for good, but coming back still took effort, and the knowledge itself wasn’t something he could shake off easily.

The thought of letting Cloud out of his sight now that he’d had that revelation seemed… unfitting. Sephiroth rushed after him, trying to ignore how the pain in his lungs refused to fade. The corridor was dark, and Sephiroth quickly noticed that there were branching paths in every direction. A maze, just like the one that had existed within the temple itself. Even here, there were Cetra paintings covering every wall, every single one of them unique.

“Why are you following me?” Cloud barked, turning to glare at Sephiroth over his shoulder.

“I am always with you, Cloud”, Sephiroth replied, though he was interrupted by couching up yet another petal. “I could ask you the same. Why are you choosing to ignore me?”

“You don’t feel threatening while you’re unarmed with a cold, you know. Seriously, though! You could just have flown out of here!”

“Perhaps this is just that much more interesting”, Sephiroth retorted. Cloud simply huffed and continued forward, and Sephiroth trailed after him. Though he tried not to let it bother him, there was some sort of instinctual need within him to follow Cloud. Perhaps it was just the Hanahaki that compelled him, or maybe the realisation that he loved Cloud, _loved_ him, but Cloud did not feel the same…

They walked together in silence. Pathways split off to the left and to the right, and Cloud seemed to taking turns completely at random. Sephiroth would’ve criticised his technique, but it was honestly rather amusing to watch.

“Didn’t we already see this?” Cloud suddenly asked and pointed at an artwork of a bird. Sephiroth had not been paying attention. He’d been staring at Cloud the whole time.

“Perhaps.”

“Let’s turn back”, Cloud declared and turned on his heel to head back the way they came. “Something about this doesn’t seem right.”

They walked, and walked some more. Mako eyes were an extremely useful tool here, in the depths of these dark underground tunnels. Yet no matter how far they continued, they couldn’t seem to get back to the bigger room they had first fallen into.

“This is weird”, Cloud muttered after a while. “We should’ve been back to the first room by now. Did we make a turn somewhere? I don’t remember making any turns…”

“You’ve been making turns all along”, Sephiroth said. “What are you talking about?”

“I have?” Cloud froze in place in front of Sephiroth.

This was concerning. The air felt… strange. Sephiroth tried to pinpoint the way it made him feel, and could only reach one conclusion. There was magic in this place, older than anything he’d ever encountered in person before. The Cetra had seemingly designed this maze as an alternate entrance into the Temple of the Ancients, but they had clearly done something to prevent outsiders from navigating it properly, even when not taking that Hanahaki trap clearly meant to target robbers into account.

“Cloud”, Sephiroth said, wondering if Cloud sensed the magic as well. “Do you feel anything?”

“…Feel?” Cloud glanced over at Sephiroth. His eyes looked oddly glassy in the dark. “I… don’t know. I feel… dizzy.”

The magic of this place, whatever it was, seemed to be affecting Cloud a lot more strongly than Sephiroth. It made sense, Sephiroth supposed. He was able to shrug off most silly little enchantments like this. Though then again, he supposed the Hanahaki should count as one of those as well, yet it was still affecting him… As if on cue, he coughed up more petals. They stung his throat.

“Gotta get out of here…” Cloud’s voice sounded panicked, and his steps were increasing in speed. Sephiroth hadn’t heard him sound scared in a very long time. “I don’t… I don’t feel…”

Now that he thought about it, Sephiroth knew that the Sleeping Forest on the Northern Continent was covered in similar enchantments. It caused confusion and disorientation in whatever unsuspecting victim who happened to wander in there, and it wasn’t unusual for travellers to never return from the depths of the woods.

Perhaps he and Cloud would never find their way out of here either. The thought came unbidden and latched itself into his head, and though he rationally tried to tell himself that it was just the Cetra magic working its way into his mind, it didn’t seem to help. He was going to die here. He was going to die because Cloud didn’t love him, and Cloud would wander alone in here forever… They kept walking and walking, and it felt harder and harder to breathe.

“How long have we been in here?” Cloud asked, voice soft, almost hesitant. “I can’t tell.”

“I don’t know”, Sephiroth replied and was promptly sent into another coughing fit. When he looked down into his palm, he found that he’d coughed up an entire flower, now. This was progressing rapidly.

“A daffodil?” Cloud mumbled absentmindedly, before narrowing his eyes and focusing his glare on the flower in Sephiroth’s hand. “Wait.” Oh gods, did he know? Sephiroth’s blood ran cold.

“Cloud, I…”

“Have you been eating flowers?”

“I… What?”

“You just spat up a flower, sir!” Cloud declared. “Where did you even find flowers in here?”

Well, never mind then. Cloud was completely uneducated in anything and everything Cetra, as he should be. And there was another detail that caught Sephiroth’s attention that felt way more urgent.

“Cloud, what did you just refer to me as?”

“Huh?” Cloud blinked slowly and gave Sephiroth a confused look. “I don’t know. What did I say?”

“Never mind.” They needed to get out of here quickly. Cloud was clearly a lot more vulnerable to whatever mind-altering power this place had, but Sephiroth’s own mind was starting to feel a little fuzzy around the edges as well.

They kept walking. It was noticeably hard for Sephiroth to breathe now, and he was coughing up petals more frequently, but he tried his best to ignore it. Cloud seemed to be in a trance of sorts, blindly walking forward with seemingly no consideration for where they were going. Perhaps… perhaps Sephiroth should take the initiative here. To escape most mazes, placing a hand on one wall and continuing to follow that wall should be enough. The magic would possibly make it more challenging, but Sephiroth had never been the type to back down from a challenge.

“Let me take the lead, Cloud”, he said. “I think I know where to go.” There was no protest; Cloud simply nodded and allowed Sephiroth to step in front of him. Sephiroth placed his hand on the left wall and committed to following it. Step after step, he focused on walking forward rather than on the weight in his chest. Time no longer felt real. He simply walked and walked, head spinning, unable to focus on anything except keeping his hand on the wall.

Suddenly, his feet came to a halt, and he glanced back over his shoulder to find that there was no one behind him anymore. Fear deeper than anything he’d ever felt overtook him. His heart and his chest ached.

“Cloud?” he called, voice cracking rather pathetically as another coughing fit overtook him, spitting out flowers and blood all over the ground. He was alone. All alone. Just like he always had been. A part of him wanted to sink to the floor and never move again.

No. No, he couldn’t end like this. He placed his other hand on the wall, turned around and began retracing his own steps. Hoped desperately that Cloud hadn’t just wandered off down a random pathway. He had to find Cloud. Had to. Something deep within his soul ached at the thought, or perhaps that was just the flowers clogging up his windpipe.

The more he walked, the harder it became to remember what he was even doing in the first place. Where was he? Where was he going? He was looking for something… someone? He didn’t know anymore, but he had to keep going. His entire body hurt.

He heard heavy breathing somewhere in front of him. A shape curled into a ball on the floor, close to hyperventilating. Yet, even as he coughed up even more flower petals, Sephiroth could feel nothing but sheer relief. Cloud. Cloud was the one he’d been looking for all along. Cloud was here.

“Cloud”, he choked out and sank to his knees next to him, internally thanking a deity whose name seemed to slip his mind. Cloud peered at him with wild panicked eyes.

“What… What is going on?” He sounded so bewildered, so terrified. “Where are we?” Sephiroth wasn’t sure what was going on anymore either. All he knew was that he needed to make sure that Cloud was safe, couldn’t let Cloud get hurt, couldn’t…

“Can you stand?” he asked. Cloud nodded and shakily got to his feet, and Sephiroth grabbed a tight hold of his hand. No losing Cloud this time. Hand on the wall. Even though his head was cloudy, he could do this much. Cloud’s hand in his was a lifeline, his last tether to reality.

He kept walking. Even when Cloud’s legs gave in, Sephiroth simply hauled him up onto his back and kept walking. He barely knew who he was or what was going on anymore, but he knew he couldn’t stop. His lungs burned, he couldn’t stop coughing and his legs were growing weak, but he had to keep going.

Eventually, there was light at the end of the tunnel. Sephiroth hauled himself out of the dark cavern onto a beautiful sunny field of flowers, and then, his legs finally gave in. He tumbled to the ground and Cloud landed next to him, so that they were lying there face to face, covered head to toe in flowers. His mind was still hazy, but everything felt… comfortable. Safe. Except the ever-present pressure in his lungs, but Sephiroth was too exhausted to worry about that right now. Cloud was here next to him, watching him with such a soft, unguarded expression…

“Thank you for saving me, sir”, Cloud whispered. Sephiroth couldn’t remember the details of that, couldn’t remember why Cloud wasn’t supposed to be calling him sir right now, because everything just felt so good in this moment.

Another coughing fit ruined the moment. Sephiroth hacked up yet another flower, but this time, it looked different. It was pink, and the petals didn’t look the same at all. It wasn’t covered in blood either, like the last few had been. And then… the pain in his lungs was just gone. As if it had never been there to begin with.

“Ambrosia”, Cloud murmured, watching Sephiroth with a delirious smile on his face. “Pretty.” Somehow, Sephiroth got the feeling that he wasn’t talking about the flower.

Some of the details were starting to come back to him now. Fighting Cloud, for whatever reason. Falling. The Hanahaki curse. Wandering the maze and slowly losing more and more of themselves. Sephiroth didn’t doubt that all the details would return in due time… but right now he preferred this. This peaceful existence. It felt like a dream. The best one he’d ever had. Mostly he just had nightmares.

“Do you mind if we… rest for a bit, Cloud?” he murmured. It would surely take even longer for Cloud to get back to normal. Cloud hummed in agreement. Shifted just a little bit closer, so that Sephiroth could curl his body around him.

What would happen once he woke up didn’t feel important at the moment, even though he had a distinct feeling that Cloud would be furious. For now, Sephiroth would be content to get the best sleep he’d ever had.


	7. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Far into the future, Sephiroth is alone. But even if he has to tear through all of time and space, he’ll find Cloud again.
> 
> Warnings: Mentioned (temporary) character death, a lot of hurt before the comfort

Sephiroth’s will knows no bounds. No matter how many times Cloud sends him back to the Lifestream, Sephiroth claws himself back out. Defeat after defeat doesn’t deter him. He knows that he isn’t bound by mortal chains, so he’s in no hurry. He lets Cloud cut him down because it amuses him, because he knows that his connection to Cloud will always allow him to return.

Time doesn’t pass logically in the Lifestream. Seconds and eons are all the same. Sephiroth doesn’t really know how long it takes him to return to the Planet’s surface each and every time, and it hardly matters.

At least, it doesn’t matter until Sephiroth reaches out and finds that his tether to Cloud is no longer there. There is nothing where it used to be. Despite his lack of a corporeal form, Sephiroth feels cold. Where is Cloud, if not here? He needs to investigate this.

It’s difficult to find something to hold on to, when Cloud isn’t there. Sephiroth has discarded everything else, seeing no need for anything other than the burning feeling Cloud incites in him. What else is there? He can’t find anything to cling to anymore. Sephiroth can’t remember if he’s ever felt this terrifyingly powerless before. The only thing he knows is the green of the Lifestream surrounding him.

He’s Jenova’s child. The chosen one. The one who will sail the stars with the Planet as his vessel. There’s no way that the Lifestream can contain him, even now. He tries to remind himself of this fact, tries to make that his tether into the world of the living. It’s a lot easier when his tether is something tangible, but this works as well, despite being a much slower process.

He isn’t sure how long it takes, but finally, the Lifestream’s grip on Sephiroth loosens and he manages to manifest himself. Immediately, gazing across the surrounding landscape, he realises that something is terribly wrong with this place. There’s nothing but sand and dust as far as his eyes can see. Not a single living thing anywhere in sight. Not a small animal, not a puny plant.

Sephiroth spreads his wing and takes to the skies. The same landscape continues endlessly, no matter how far he ascends. There’s not one oasis, not a single settlement, not even any mountains in the distance. Just a wasteland that continues all the way to the horizon. Sephiroth has tried to reach the world of the living, but he seems to have reached a world of the dead instead.

It’s unsettling. Sephiroth descends back to the ground and begins to walk. Nothing changes. The sun burns heavy in the sky and there are no clouds to shield him from the never-ending heat. If his body could overheat, it would be doing so by now. Until the day turns to night, he keeps walking, and still there’s no change.

He sits down in the sand, then. It gets into his boots, but that doesn’t bother him much. The realisation that he really does seem to be completely alone in this world is a much higher priority. Sephiroth closes his eyes and tries to sense the Lifestream, only to find its presence to be ever weakening. While he was trapped in it, it hadn’t been noticeable, but he now understands why he was able to escape it with relative ease despite the lack of a consistent tether. The Lifestream, like the Planet itself, is dying.

It should make him happy. Soon he will have the empty vessel that was promised to him by Mother so long ago. But as he looks up at the stars that have been waiting for him for so long, Sephiroth no longer feels the same longing that he used to feel. Even though everything on this Planet used to make him feel larger than life… right now, under the stars, he feels so very, very small.

The universe is vast. Terrifying. Who knows what waits out there? A part of him still longs for the unknown, Mother’s desire burned into his very core, but something about it feels empty, now. What is he looking for, and is there even a possibility that he can find it among the stars?

Cloud is dead. His spirit joined with the Lifestream, or perhaps already faded away, given how rapidly the Lifestream is dying as well. The realisation hits Sephiroth so hard that he feels genuinely shaken. The death of someone so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things shouldn’t matter to a god… yet it does. Sephiroth’s longing for other worlds seems to have become replaced by longing for Cloud. For the one person that matters.

“Cloud”, he whispers, the first word he’s spoken in ages. His voice is cracking, and he feels compelled to lie down and curl into a ball. He does the former but not the latter, instead resting his head in the sand and staring up at the stars that no longer compel him. Cloud is gone and won’t come back. Sephiroth is all alone on an empty world in an uncaring universe and it _hurts_. There’s a dull ache in his chest that he can’t seem to shake.

What is he supposed to do? He doesn’t want to wander the universe alone; he wants Cloud. Nothing feels right without Cloud. Nothing is ever going to feel right again. He doesn’t want to be alone, but loneliness is all that awaits him now.

“Mother, please…” His voice is so unsteady. He feels like a child, begging for attention he knows he won’t get. “Help me. I can’t do this alone…” But like everything else, Mother is long gone. There is only Sephiroth now.

He’s not certain for how long he lies there. Seconds, eons, nothing matters. Day turns into night and night turns into day, it’s all the same to him now. Dully, he wonders if anything will ever change again, or if he and the Planet will just remain empty husks drifting through space forever.

But then, something happens. What little remains of the Lifestream reaches out to him, poking and prodding at his being. Perhaps it wants his energy, in some sort of desperate last attempt to stay alive. Its voice is a choir of lost souls, a scream and a whisper all at once.

_You can save us. You can change fate._

“How?” Sephiroth asks. “There’s nothing to be done about this situation.” He doesn’t want to feel false hope anymore. He’s spent far too much time clinging to such things, chasing delusions and pretending that reality bends to his whims.

_Go back, Calamity. Go back to where it all began._

“Go back?” Sephiroth murmurs. He isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean. There’s nowhere to go from here.

_We will show you, child. We will teach you to escape the bonds of space and time._

Space and time? Sephiroth narrows his eyes. He’s… still not entirely certain as to what is being implied here.

“Will I see him again?” he whispers. “Wherever I may end up, will I see Cloud?”

_If your desire is strong, then perhaps you will. If your heart longs for him, you may yet have your reunion._

A part of Sephiroth wonders if he’s just creating his own delusion. Maybe the voice of the Lifestream is just something he’s made up in his own head. He’s always been far too good at deception, especially when it comes to himself.

“Then take me to him”, he whispers. He has nothing left to lose. The thought of seeing Cloud again is all-consuming.

Somehow, he instinctively knows what to do now, or perhaps the remnants of the Lifestream serve as his guide. He sheds his corporeal form; there’s no use for it anymore. He reaches into the Lifestream, taking what’s left of it into himself. That, along with Mother’s power, gives him… insight.

While reality may seem like a tangible, unrelenting, objective thing, it’s really not that different from lines and numbers. Sephiroth follows the lines along, changes the numbers where it seems fit, slips in and out of time and space as he pleases. He’s already used to existing a step above the tangible, but this is different even from being in the Lifestream. Like this, he truly feels like a god, completely detached from everything other than himself.

However, his end goal isn’t exactly to remain in this state. He wants to slip back into reality at an opportune moment. At a point where nothing is set in stone. It’s surprisingly easy to pinpoint the moment where everything changed. Nibelheim. His stepping-stone into godhood, the event that defined Cloud’s life.

It’s easy to find his way there by tracing his own steps back. He looks down upon himself, still so young, still clinging to his last sliver of humanity. Searching through that library with increasing desperation, throwing book after book to the floor when nothing gives him the information he wants. It seems the perfect point to step back into the timeline. Sephiroth slips into his past self’s mind, expecting things to be easy from here.

There is, however, one thing he hasn’t taken into account. A merge between two minds so starkly different, despite being their shared origin, could never have gone over well. The instant they click together, everything begins to feel terribly, horribly wrong.

One second, Sephiroth is in hysterics over potentially not being human. The next, the weight of eons of knowledge crashes onto his shoulders. At this point, for all intents and purposes, Sephiroth is still mostly human, despite enhancements. No human could carry such a weight.

His head feels like it’s about to split apart. For a moment, he thinks that he’s dying. He doesn’t know when or where or who he is, memories twining together until they’re all an indistinguishable mess. He presses his back up against the wall and slides down until he’s sitting on the floor, somehow surprised by the solidity of it all.

Sephiroth isn’t sure how long he ends up sitting there. It’s so very hard to breathe and even though he tries to sort out his thoughts, it quickly becomes overwhelming, so he settles for trying not to think of anything at all. Everything hurts and he feels so alone, trapped in thoughts that feel overwhelming and unfamiliar. He’s not used to feeling so afraid, and the worst part is that he doesn’t even know what he’s so afraid of.

“Seph?”

The voice unfortunately doesn’t snap him out of it. Sephiroth looks up, heart hammering in his chest, and finds a person standing before him, giving him a concerned look. The worst part is that the man, with his wild black hair and warm eyes, looks so familiar. He knows that he’s supposed to know this person. Thinks he may have cared about him, once upon a time, even though a part of his brain screams _traitor_ at the sight of him. But right now, he can’t even recall a name.

“Hey buddy, are you okay?” the man asks him. So kindly. Sephiroth can’t remember if anyone has ever spoken to him so kindly before. He manages a shake of his head but doesn’t get a word out. He hasn’t spoken to another person in such a long time that he’s forgotten how. It makes the entire situation just that much worse.

The man Sephiroth thinks he should know comes closer. Crouches down and attempt to reach out to touch him. Something primal surges up within Sephiroth, and before he knows it, he’s on his feet, pushing the man away and running. He’s not entirely certain where he’s going – he just knows that he can’t do this, not now, maybe not ever. Everything is too much to bear, and he just wants to find a dark corner somewhere, a place where he can curl up alone and try to wrap his head around what’s just happened to him.

He stumbles up a long stairway, a winding spiral that makes him feel nauseous. His body feels too light and too heavy all at once. He wonders if there’s a way for him to crawl out of his own skin to escape that feeling. He’s in so much pain, and he wants it to stop. Wants it all to stop. He reaches the end of the stairs and has to stop to breathe for a second, eyes squeezed shut as his head keeps pounding.

“Sir?” 

No. Not another person trying to confront him. He can’t handle it right now, he’s going to fall apart if he has to face more things that he can’t remember… Sephiroth looks up, about to snap at the person standing in front of him to get out of the way, but… everything grinds to a halt.

Cloud. That’s Cloud standing in front of him. He’d know that spiky blond hair, those big blue eyes anywhere. But he has to be imagining it, right? There’s no way, no way that Cloud is really here with him… He can’t feel their link. There’s supposed to be a link.

“…Cloud?” he whispers, voice small. “Is that really you?” It can’t be real. Cloud gives him such a soft, genuinely concerned look, and he knows that Cloud isn’t supposed to look at him like that, because Cloud hates him. Cloud hates him, and he’s all alone, and…

“Uh, yeah. It’s me.” Cloud sounds confused by his question. “Are you okay, sir? I know you haven’t eaten or slept in a few days…”

Something within Sephiroth compels him. Before he knows entirely what he’s doing, he sinks to his knees before Cloud. Reaches up to grab Cloud by the waist and stares up at him desperately.

“I’m sorry…” he whispers and presses his head against Cloud’s stomach. His head is so muddled that he’s not entirely certain what he’s even apologising for, but the burning feeling in his eyes tells him that it’s important. He’s babbling before he even knows what he’s saying. “I’m so sorry, Cloud… Please don’t leave… Please…” He’s terrified; terrified that Cloud will reject his apology, terrified that he’s going to be left alone again. But instead, a hand twines itself into his hair.

“I don’t know why you’re sorry”, Cloud says, hesitant yet determined. “But… it’s okay, sir. I’m… I’m here, okay?” And then Cloud’s arms pull him closer and nothing has ever felt so right. Something that’s been hurting inside Sephiroth for what feels like a very long time finally relents.

Sephiroth isn’t sure for how long he whimpers and sniffles into Cloud’s shirt, nor how long it takes for Cloud to sink down to his level to wipe his tears away. But when he does, Sephiroth tilts his head into Cloud’s hand, his entire body aching to be touched, to be comforted, to be made to feel _safe_. And he does feel safe, when Cloud gives him that tender look and then pulls Sephiroth closer, lets Sephiroth push his head down against Cloud’s shoulder and continues running fingers through Sephiroth’s hair. It feels so good. Sephiroth wants to stay like this forever.

“Oh shit. Cloud, what’s…”

“I don’t know, Zack. He just… did this, out of nowhere! I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”

Cloud thinks there’s something wrong with him. Dimly, Sephiroth can agree. But it doesn’t matter. He’s with Cloud now. Even if something’s terribly wrong with him, he doesn’t mind as long as Cloud is here.

“Hey Seph, you think you can let Cloud go now?”

No. No, he can’t. Sephiroth clings to Cloud harder, shaking his head into Cloud’s shoulder. The other man – Zack, that’s his name – tries to pry Sephiroth off Cloud. Panic kicks in. Before he really knows what exactly he’s doing, Sephiroth finds himself snarling in response, leaping at Zack in order to push him away. Slams him against the wall, stares into his shocked eyes for a second, then turns back over to Cloud, who looks… terrified.

He’s scaring Cloud. He’s making Cloud upset. That’s wrong. That’s bad. He doesn’t want Cloud to hate him. That’s where he went wrong the last time, right? He can’t remember, because everything is a blur, but he doesn’t want Cloud to look at him like that. He releases Zack. Gently takes a step closer to Cloud and feels his heart sink when Cloud backs away. Vaguely, he wonders if he doesn’t make a strange picture like this, a trembling, wet-eyed mess who’s struggling to breathe right.

“Hey Seph, what the hell, man?” Zack blurts out from behind him, but Sephiroth doesn’t care. He can only bring himself to care about the fear in Cloud’s eyes.

“Cloud…” The name feels like a prayer from his lips. “Please… I…” He doesn’t know what he’s begging for. Doesn’t have the words to express how he’s feeling right now. Cloud’s gaze softens. Maybe he isn’t angry after all.

“Sir, maybe you should lie down”, Cloud says and gestures towards the bed next to him. “You look exhausted…”

It’s true. He _is_ exhausted. His mind can’t take any more of these overwhelming thoughts. The oblivion of sleep would be heavenly. But what if Cloud leaves while he’s asleep? He can’t let Cloud out of his sight. His heart just won’t stop racing. He wants to tell Cloud, but instead only ducks his head in shame. He’s so overwhelmed. Just wants to rest. Just wants Cloud to stay.

Cloud takes his hands. Sephiroth allows himself to be led over to the bed as he marvels at how small and gentle Cloud’s hands are. Cloud pushes him to sit down on the bed, and Sephiroth obediently obliges. When Cloud sits down next to him and guides Sephiroth’s head down to rest in his lap, Sephiroth feels nothing but relief.

He can hear Cloud and Zack talking, but only catches snippets of their conversation. The only thing he can focus on is Cloud’s hand on his temple, fingers twining around strands of his hair. He can’t remember ever having felt anything nicer. His entire body aches for more.

“…think he’s just scared, Zack. I don’t know why, but…”

“…must’ve seen something in that basement. There’s something wrong with this place, it’s…”

“…does he usually…”

“…never seen him act like this before. It must’ve been something really bad. He’s usually so calm and collected, this is just…”

Usually so calm and collected. Sephiroth knows this, knows that he’s not supposed to be like this, but he can’t help it. His head hurts and he can’t think, something has taken root in his chest and won’t relent, and he can’t stop shaking.

“It’s okay, Sephiroth. Shh… Just try to rest now. You’re safe.” Cloud’s voice is so soft and so is his touch. It’s the first time he’s actually spoken Sephiroth’s name and there’s no anger or hatred in it. Something within Sephiroth feels so deeply relieved that he almost can’t even feel that overwhelming despair anymore.

 _Safe_ , Cloud says. Sephiroth repeats it over and over in his head until it feels like the truth. _Safe. Safe. I’m safe._ He’s found Cloud. He’s earned his reunion. Even though his head is so muddled that he can barely tell what’s happening, he’s at least regained what’s most important to him. Everything else can wait until later. For now, he will simply cherish finally being in Cloud’s presence, exactly where he knows in his very soul that he belongs. Nothing will ever be able to tear him away from Cloud again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me! This entire week was a lot of fun and as always, I loved being a part of it! If you enjoyed, feel free to leave comments and kudos on your way out, they're very much appreciated <3


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